Sing a little song of me
by MerielTLA
Summary: He was Kendall Knight, the owner of those emerald eyes that plagued my most heated dreams and my most horrific nightmares…the same guy that stole everything from me even my heart…some of you might not believe me, that s why I will tell you our litte stor.
1. Chapter 1

I met him on pre-K…the first time I saw him I thought that he had some kind of disease, no one sane could have those caterpillar eyebrows… he had second hand clothes, his flannel shirt too big for his slender frame and a big stupid smile on his lips…he was Kendall Knight, the owner of those emerald eyes that plagued my most heated dreams and my most horrific nightmares…the same guy that stole everything from me…dramatic I know, some of you might not believe me, that´s why I will tell you _how_ he took away my father´s memories, my mother´s love, my best friends, my dreams and my heart…

CHAPTER 1

_First grade._

_I was beaming when I walked to meet my mom outside of school, I was going back to my father's place, I hated living with my mom, she was so uptight and loved to yell at me. I was wearing my dad's lucky beanie, the one he had on his first trip to Europe, my birth and just about any special moment in his life, he had given it to me so I could remember him while I was in school and return it when I saw him again; my mom hate it saying that it was a horrible piece of clothing but thanks to God I could keep it in my head away from her claws and the dump._

"_James!" I turned to see a blond kid running straight to me, I easily avoided his arms not noticing that his hand found its way to my head taking away my beanie._

"_Give it back!" I shouted running after him completely forgetting that my mom was watching me._

"_James Diamond!" I stopped dead when she forcefully called my name "Get here this instant" _

"_But mom he has my…"I pointed Kendall who was PUTTING ON THE BEANIE!"Hey give it back Kendork!" I went to take it from him but my mom stopped me._

"_James! You´re not defying me anymore, it all this is because of that thing your father gave you then he can keep it!" she grasped my arm kind of hurting me._

"_But mom!" she started dragging me back to the car when the blond screamed my name._

"_Sorry, here" he lent the beanie back to me and I was about to take it when my mom slapped my hand away and gave me a look that made me shudder._

"_Keep it, it already has your flees" I furrowed my nose, if I took it back my mom would get mad and…yeah my mom wasn't pretty when she was mad… besides maybe if I used it now his ugly eyebrows could be infective and grow in my face._

"_Oh…thanks" he shyly walked away. My mother opened the car´s door and I got in watching him put the beanie back on. Two weeks later my father moved away leaving me to live permanently with my mother, he didn't leave anything behind except me and that beanie._

I opened my eyes glaring at the ceiling, according to my inner clock it was around five am, I wasn't tired even if I had gone to sleep three hours ago…great another sleepless night. Recently I had too many of those, maybe it was due to the whole lot of work the old man put me through…but I had to earn the meal right?

Sighing I got up resting my back on the bed frame and turning on the TV knowing that sleep was ages away. I surfed through the channels tired of having those flashbacks every night, I didn't even know what was about that beanie that obsessed me that much, my dad had been tired of his life and ran away from us abandoning me thinking that I was happy with an annual birthday card…yeah pretty life for any kid…even like that I wanted the beanie back, I knew that after all I had been the one giving the beanie to the blond, but out of hurt I kept telling myself that if he hadn't taken it from me I might still have it, a little something to hold on instead of the father any kid should have…it wasn't my fault that the man was a rock star wannabe who at his forty years still thought that _he could make it_.

Getting pissed at the cable company for not having anything worth my time at this time of night I pushed away the covers and walked to my desk knowing that writing was the only way I could get my mind off things.

_Eight Year._

_Somehow Kendall had managed to befriend Carlos and Logan, my best friends sense I could remember, so thanks to that I had to endure his company almost every day…now we were in my living room studying for the upcoming math test. Logan was eagerly trying to explain algebra to our latin hyper friend, who was more concentrated on asking us who did we like from school…it was safe to say that I was a little uneasy because _none_ of the girls were the slightness appealing to me…and I was absolutely terrified about what could they think about that._

"_I don't know, I like brunettes" smiled Kendall fixing that damn beanie in his head, why did he keep it for all those years was beyond me…maybe he was too poor to buy another one._

"_I bet you have a crush on Diana!" screamed Carlos after a defeated grown from Logan who had finally figured out that for that evening studying was the last thing on our minds. Kendall shrugged keeping his smile and I bit my lip knowing that I was next "Who do you like James?"_

"_No one" they all looked at me with their eyebrows up "Yes, I haven't found someone worth _this_ much perfection" I pointed at my face knowing that if I showed them a little egomaniac moment they would laugh and forget about asking again, Logan rolled his eyes and Carlos laughed._

"_So" started Kendall looking at me sheepishly, I glared at him, it was an understatement to say I didn't like him and he sure knew it "For you to like someone, that person has to be perfect?"_

"_Yes, the best for the best" I shut up after I heard my mother get inside the house._

"_James help me with this boxes" she commanded, and being the _rebel_ I was I let out an annoyed whine._

"_Can't you see I'm studying? I have visitors" at this Kendall got up too and hurried to the front door._

"_I'll help you Ms. Diamond" I heard him say and I rolled my eyes, if he wanted to be a labor boy, who was I to stop his poor kid dream? The afternoon passed fast, Kendall continued helping my mother and I kept ignoring them faking studying, when everybody left my mother called for me._

"_What is it mother?" _

"_You should learn from Kendall, he is such a nice and good kid…you _must_ be more like him" she said without looking at me._

"_Kendall's mom is pretty cool too, maybe you should be more like her too" and there goes my tongue messing again, I was already grounded what else could she do to me? But she kept silent and just gave me an icy glare, I was long past the times when that glare hurt or scared me, now it was just a tiny uncomfortable sting, I hadn't met any other woman that could pass as a mother for me, but I was sure no mother should look at their kid like that._

I sighed resting my elbows in the desk, in later years I had learned that I was an unwanted child, that I was the product of a one night stand, leaving two completely opposite people knotted with each other for the rest of their lives; I had ruined my dad´s music career and my mother´s body…nice I was guilty of making them miserable even before I was born.

I clucked knowing how easy was for me to dwell on the past, it was a lot more entertaining than thinking about the boring life I had…oh look its already six! Somewhat happy that it was time to get ready for work I got up and hit the shower, the water stream always found a way to calm me, to make me forget of the crappy life I had and was still having…oh the tortured teen flick all over again, gosh I was so _boring_! Ending the shower I walked back to the bedroom drying myself, then I got into my uniform, some black jeans and a white polo shirt…practical and not that uncomfortable, good to wear it more than twelve hours a day. I started humming a song as I closed the apartment and walked to the elevator.

"Morning James, already off to work?" said Ms. Collins getting outside in her running clothes holding her small Chihuahua.

"Morning, and yes" we got into the elevator.

"But, I thought I heard you got home around two"

"I had to take another shift, someone got sick" I got my hands in my jacket thinking that being workaholic probably was hereditary, I had always complained about my mother´s working habits and here I was spending more time in that café than at home "Now I have to go help clean before the breakfast starts"

"It´s not fun to watch a young man like you working this much" she sighed, yeah my life was going nowhere…that should worry me at some point, but it was hard to see pass the daily routine. We reached the bottom floor, I said bye to my neighbor and walked outside the building, it was a windy and cold day in New York, nothing new…I walk to the nearest metro station and got inside the train knowing that I had to gain a little more money in order to get a room closer to work, this forty five minute trip every day was killing me.

_Summer before High School._

_I walked in my house´s hallway thinking about last hockey season, it had been great, the four of us made a great team and we had made it to the finals and won two days ago, I had made an awesome job getting rid of every player before passing the pock to Kendall and he made the goal, I was so ecstatic that I didn't even care that he had been named player of the season when most of our plays went the same way, apparently we got along in the ice way better than outside. I started humming before my mother´s phone conversation got my attention._

"_Yes he plays really well" I smile crept in my lips, there were seldom times when she praised about any of my accomplishments "He even got the award for best player" I stopped death when I heard her "James? Well he _plays_ he has as much sports talent as the good for nothing of his father… no I know Jenny is really proud of her son, he´s such a perfect young man…I´m proud of him even if he´s not my son!" I fisted my hands Mr. Perfect caterpillar eyebrow had done it again "Yeah I have to settle with him…school? Don't make me laugh he´s failing…mother if you think he´s such a good kid maybe he should go and live with you!" said this she hung up the phone and walked pass me like the hadn't practically said that she didn't want me there._

"_Mom" I called her turning to face her, she gave me a cold eyebrow "Would it be better if you were alone? If I went to live with grandma?"_

"_I believe it would"_

Beating sleep through most of the trip I got out the station and smiled, that always happened when you got up every day to work at Times Square, even if the café wasn't right on the main street…it was just a simple way to let me think that I had accomplished something in my life.

I raised my gaze when I came up front one of the biggest screens ´Kendall Knight! Biggest Pop Sensation in Decades! Friday 25th! Get your tickets!´ came flashing showing me those eyebrows, good thing I didn't need to worry about bumping into him…yeah like _that_ would ever happen, he was a fucking pop idol! And I…I was nobody.

"James!" I waved at Hector, the cook and owner, when I got inside the restaurant "So early? I thought you were going to get here at 12?"

"Got nothing better to do" I answered truthfully "And good morning to you too"

"Sorry, hello James, how are you?" I smiled rolling my eyes at his exaggerated courtesy "Have you eaten anything?"

"Nope" I walked to the back and left my stuff in my locker before going to the kitchen with him, at this time in the morning on Fridays usually it was just us two "Feed me please"

"There" he pointed a nice looking scrambled eggs and some bacon, I got the plate and started eating, he had some _nice_ cooking skills, he was the only reason this place kept on boat "Shouldn't you be at school?"

"Boss I´m 23" I laughed going to the fridge for some coke, yeah at 8am I had some _fine_ eating habits "And I can't afford college, besides there's nothing I want to really study"

"There must be something you like to do besides being waiter" he crossed his arms, I watched him closely, he was a big well built man, had thick grey hair and a beardless face, he was almost as tall as I was and that was good for a change, I didn't have to duck my head to have a better look like I had to with most of the people.

"I wanted to be famous…I can sing and I'm hot, but I guess that I don't have what it takes to be _it_" yeah Gustavo Rocque had passionately yelled those words to me, and through the years I had come to believe in them, maybe I wasn't suit to be a pop idol…but then, who I was supposed to be in life? Talk about existential dilemma.

"Who told you that?" he looked at me like I was crazy.

"A music producer" I shrugged suddenly not hungry anymore.

_High school freshman year._

_We were at Kendall's living room resting from a beating the girls hockey team had given us for soaking their field, I was currently having a wrestling match with Carlos when some random announcement hit the TV…they were looking for the next pop sensation! That was it! It was my chance! We had barely made it in time, we all got out numbers and sat to wait when it hit me…maybe my mom would be proud of me for once, I had even raised my grades to get her to tell me that she was happy with me…to tell me that she wanted me with her…that for once she didn't want me to be Kendall, that she was happy with me being…well me. I started panicking, what if it wasn't enough? What if even with all that my dad kept states away and my mother wouldn't give a shit? I had already changed places with Logan and Carlos, but the moment I tried to do the same with Kendall he stopped me looking at me with those incredibly green eyes…had they always been like that? Did he had his eyebrows cut or what?_

"_James, this is your dream not mine, remember opportunities like this come once in a lifetime, now grab on that dream with both hands and go big time!" he shoved me to the theatre. I walked noticing the big producer and his assistant, I got in front of the mic and started to sing…I was doing a fairly good job until I saw that man's eyes, glaring at me with that coldness and dislikeness that my mother used every day…and my voice was gone. _

"_Stop, Stop" he started _

"_I-I'm sorry, I got a l-little nervous…can I start over?" I blunted._

"_Oh yeah! Yeah, yeah, start over…why don't you just go outside and just don't go back in" I froze when I heard him "NEXT!" he yelled, I didn't know what to do until I saw Kendall stand up in the back._

"_But I'm good" I knew that much._

"_I don't need GOOD, I need FIRE! I need someone to take me out of my seat and as you can see I'm still in it cuz you have NO TALENT!" you've got to be kidding me._

"_No Talent!" my eyes shot to the back where the blond was walking to us "No Talent! You're the one with no talent! You haven't had a hit in more than ten years!" he got in front of the fat producer and yelled at him, I was impressed._

"_Hey Girl to my heart was a hit NINE years ago!"_

"_Oh I remember that" and he started to sing…and he could do it just FINE…then security came in and we started fighting them and were taken to Ms. Knight's house...nothing new for us._

_Resting in the sofa I closed my eyes, I was sad, I had missed my big shot… but somehow I was touched that Kendall had done that for me, he seemed so mad when he was telling his mom that some producer had said that I had no talent…maybe caterpillar eyebrows wasn't so bad…until he accepted that man's offer taking the chance I was suppose to take…hurt of his betrayal I had screamed at him, but he told me that he was only doing it because his mother and sister needed the money…I couldn't argue after that, but I made him promise that he would find a way to make me a star once he was one himself…if only I had known that he would never keep that promise._

"What else did he tell you?"

"That I had no _fire_…who knows what he meant, but I guess that was my chance and I blew it because I was too nervous" I stretched my back

"He's crazy, you sing every day and you do it just awesome…by the way, my radio's broken" I rolled my eyes, he should pay me more for singing to him every morning.

"Then I'll start moving" I said before putting back the plate and grabbing wet rag to start cleaning the tables "Got to work before the boss gets mad at me" I winked at him, he just laughed and I walked outside the kitchen and started doing my job…singing his old rock songs, he had even made me a CD so I could learn them saying that he didn't like the new _crap_ that _blondie_ guy sang…yeah I was happy as far away as I could be from Kendall's music.

The day passed fast enough, it was Friday which meant that it was live music night, and that some crappy bands would start playing all night…I didn't know if I was in the mood to hear well played rock in an awful voice.

"Excuse me" I turned when I female voice called me.

"Yes?"

"I'm looking for Hector…"

"Maryse!" he screamed getting outside the kitchen greeting at the stylish woman with a big hug…wow who knew Hector knew those kinds of woman? "How are you? Long time no seen"

"I know" she smiled looking at the place with a dreamy face.

"James could you bring us two martinis?" did I mention I was his bartender apprentice?

"Ok" it wasn't a surprise that he wanted a drink every once in a while, I got to the bar waving at the guys that got inside "What's up Shane?"

"Hey James, putting the skills to practice?" he rested his guitar on the bar. Three other guys joined him watching me do my bartender stunts…nothing too big but enough to get some nice attention.

"Two martinis for the boss and the lady" I put them in front of them.

"James this is Maryse, she used to work here when she got in college" she raised her hand and I shook it.

"Are you going to college?" she asked…ok now the universe was plotting against me for abandoning school.

"Nah, I'm just working for food and shelter" I raised my shoulders noticing that the guys were already making their way to the small stage.

"Do they sing good?" they were my friends, what could I tell her?

"They play awesome" yeah a half truth was better than a lie.

"Why don't you sing with them?" I frowned hearing Hector's words before he called David, the band's lead guitar and vocals "David, do you _really_ sing?" he looked taken back by the sudden question, I chuckled a little at his expression.

"No, I just do it while we find a real singer"

"See James here sings pretty good" oh no, no fucking way.

"No but…" I grasped the rag not wanting to get in a stage again so people could tell me how much _fire _I was lacking.

"Really? Dude come on! Anything's better than me! I don't sing and we have to find someone better in order to get some people here, not even for the fame…just the job" I bit my lip not convinced enough "Please James, just one song!"

"I don't know any of your songs" total lie, I knew them by heart…practically living there made that to people.

"Do you know any Nirvana, Foo Fighters, Papa Roach…even Daughtry?"

"Yeah I do but…"

"Please!" he got on his knees…he fucking got on his knees! Ok that was too much.

"Why the drama? Its just Friday…" he got up and dragged me to a far corner of the room.

"Do you know who _she _is?" he pointed at Maryse.

"She used to work here…"

"Yes! And she's a mayor producer! We didn't pick this place to jig just because…it was because she comes here every once in a while to hear the bands, and the minute she likes one she takes them to the top!"

"I'm a bad luck charm…this is like a déjà vu, no sorry" I wasn't putting up with that again, I walked back to clean the tables, maybe the reason of me being perfectly happy being a waiter was that I didn't need to dream or hope to be a great one, I just had to work.

"If you don't sing with them I will fire you" I froze when I heard Hector's words.

"You wouldn't…" I looked at him, he had this seriousness face…fuck he would "That is _so_ not fair!"

"I'm the boss, I do what the hell I want with this place…no go and sing some Kurt Cobain for me" I heard a collective _yeah_ from the guys in the band…shit.

"Just one" I said hoping that it was enough for him.

"As many as you please" he grinned…that bastard.

Practically growling I started walking to the stage, all of them were grinning like idiots, maybe David, Xander and Pete hadn't heard me sing, but Shane had and probably had already told them about my _awesome_ voice…I agreed with him about my voice, but I wasn't sure I had what it took to be in a band.

"What are we singing?" I thought for a moment, today was a day of memories, perhaps it was perfect to pick a song that the minute I heard it had reminded me about one single day in my life.

"You know your right by Nirvana"

_My eighteenth birthday_

_I was at my room watching the rain fall, it was summer and I was alone, Carlos and Logan had gone to a hockey camp and Kendall has living my dream…I hadn't even talked to him in more than six months. I was grounded after a huge fight with my mother and was destined to spend the rest of the summer like that, sitting on my bed looking at the outside world…at least for once the weather was according to my mood._

_Deciding that some food might do me right I got up and walked to the kitchen stopping death when I saw a couple of suitcases at the bottom of the stairs, a part of me screamed remembering the day my father had gone away._

"_M-mother?" I frantically ran searching for her almost fainting in relief when I saw her drinking tea in the living room "Why are those…?"_

"_I have a business trip, I´ll leave in ten minutes" I watched her in shock._

"_And did you ever think of telling me?" _

"_I am telling you now, aren't I?" she sighed and got up "Now gather your clothes, a driver will come to pick you up in half an hour…"_

"_To take me where?" I had a small feeling I knew where she wanted to send me "For how long?" _

"_To your grandmother…and I don't know…maybe you want to stay there" she started to look at her nails like she wasn't tearing my heart out._

"_But mother…"_

"_It´s for the best" she looked like she wanted to say something more when we heard a car outside "I have to go, take care James" she went to open the door letting the driver take her bags and walked outside without giving me a second glance._

"Do I have to put on a rocker face like all of you?" I joked testing the mic getting a little laugh from people inside the café "Maybe do a little tortured face to fit in" I saw Hector chuckle.

"Shut up pretty boy!" screamed Xander throwing a squished lemon at me "Now the nirvana song is for sound check, right?"

"Is the only song I´m singing so be happy that you have someone with a pretty decent voice to make your sound check"

"We don't even know if you´re that good" shrugged Pete getting at the drums "Now are we starting this year or what?"

"Ok, take your posts people" started David smiling at the petite pregnant girl sitting in the front "As always this goes to the hot Ms. Brooks, the love of my life and our yet unnamed child" she laughed and Pete started the counts to start the song. I took a deep breath before starting to sing.

I would never bother you  
>I would never promise to<br>I will never follow you  
>I will never bother you<br>Never say a word again  
>I will crawl away for good<p>

_I was sitting on the emergency room feeling numb, my mother´s cab had crashed leaving her badly injured and…well the doctors only gave her some more hours to live. Why couldn't I cry for her? Why didn't I feel pain? The only thing I wanted was to go somewhere else, anywhere was better than a hospital or my home._

"_James" I raised my gaze to see Kendall´s mother looking at me with a sad look in her eyes "Come on, you can sleep at my home tonight" _

I will move away from here  
>You won't be afraid of fear<br>No thought was put into this  
>I always knew it would come to this<br>Things have never been so swell  
>I have never felt failed to fail<br>Pain...  
>You know you're right<p>

_The next day one call had awaken me…my mother was dead and given that my dad was impossible to locate I could call myself an orphan. I was at the old tree house hugging my knees thinking that life wasn't fair; what had I done to deserve all that? I stiffened when I heard someone climbing the stairs and relaxed when I saw Kendall appear, I was kind of expecting him, his mother had said that he was probably going to get there around those days…he smiled sitting next to me bringing his hand to cup my face, I stood there shocked when after a smug smile he brought his lips to mine._

I´m so warm and calm inside  
>I no longer have to hide<br>Let's talk about someone else  
>Steaming, soon begins to melt<br>nothing else is right!  
>Nothin' really bothers her<br>She just wants to love herself

I grasped the mic knowing that I was a masochist for singing that song; the memories of that night at the tree house shattered my soul in so many ways that I was surprised about not breaking there in front of those people. I sang like my mother and Kendall were in front of me taking in all the pain they had caused me.

I will move away from here  
>You won't be afraid of fear<br>No thought was put into this  
>I always knew it'll come to this<br>Things have never been so swell  
>I have never felt so well<br>Pain...  
>You know you're right<br>Pain...

I smiled in spite of myself when I finished the song and everybody started clapping cheering for me, the guys palmed my back telling me how great singer I was and that I should join their band.

"Let me think about it" I said walking to the kitchen resting my hands on the table taking deep breaths not losing my smile, I hated the reasons why I had sang that song, but I loved every minute of it "How did I do it?" I asked Hector once he followed me inside, he was looking at me with a worried expression.

"Why that song?

"Heartache" I shrugged, I trusted him like he was the cool uncle I had never have "I wanted to sing something I could feel and that is one of them"

"Did you feel like the song you sang at that audition?"

"Not really…"

"Then there´s your _fire_…you have to feel the lyrics like your own, today…James everybody saw your soul in that song…Maryse left her card for you guys to call her, the whole band, she said that you work together like it was meant to be" he put his hand on my shoulder "Want to talk about it?"

"There´s not much to say…the bastard I love fucked me the same day my mother died and the morning after left to pick up his girlfriend at the airport"


	2. Chapter 2

Hum…that was an interesting start…right? Wrong? Who knows? I need reviews xP lol

Okay! About the caterpillar eyebrows here´s James´ logic about it: caterpillars are big, fat –a lot of times hairy- worms and for _pre-k_ James a lot like Kendall´s bushy eyebrows xD yeah cute!

Well just so you know, I will be going for Kendall´s PoV later on xD when it's the right time oh yeah!

Now for the next chapter!

Enjoy!

CHAPTER 2

_The day after my eighteenth birthday._

_I opened my eyes when he leaned back absorbing me in those incredibly green eyes, the kiss was too short for me and I wouldn't take that, if he had the _gesture_ of almost killing me of shock the least he could do was give me something worth remembering, so I stopped him from moving any further grasping his neck and crashing him with a hungry kiss. At this point of life I knew well enough that I was gay and that after that time in the audition I had developed a small attraction towards the blond…neither of my friends knew this, Kendall certainly didn't know this, why was he kissing me was beyond my understanding but at the moment I was too broken to care, I just wanted someone to hold me like I was important and wanted._

"_So beautiful" my heart skipped a beat when he moaned those words, he started kissing my neck slowly like he enjoyed the taste, like I was something treasured for him…_

Hector looked at me grimacing, his empathy filled gaze falling on me.

"James…"

"No biggie" I shrugged cutting him off "Thanks to that I got the courage to get away from that place…I came here and my life hasn't been bad at all" he gave an skeptical look "In danger of sounding like one of the drunks we throw out every night…I love this place, and you guys…you have been there for me in so many ways…even Clara" his wife "She treats me like her long lost nephew…then there are the guys, Shane…maybe I have problems, yeah I know that better than anyone, but I'm as happy as I can be thanks to all of you" I hugged myself looking at my old converse, I had no trouble speaking my heart out, but it wasn't the most comfortable thing to do.

"I am going to cry" I grinned hearing Shane's words, he had become my best friend in those four years "Shit James" he faked a sob and I rolled my eyes before I threw a wet rag at him.

"I'm being nice here" I defended myself before he walked to hug me by the shoulders with one arm "A producer left her card for us"

"_Us_?" he widen his eyes "This means you're finally giving in?" he had nagged me about joining his band ever sense he had first heard me sing "If I knew that you singing in a stage was all I needed to get you to do it we might probably be playing at the super bowl right now"

"Keep dreaming dude" I chuckled.

"That would do you some good" lectured me Hector starting to serve some food "And thanks, you know that here you're family and as the paternal figure I am I'm ordering you to sing with them next week, we'll call Maryse and I'm sure she'll bring someone important to hear you out…maybe all those years ago wasn't _your_ chance…maybe your chance is now, with the music you came to love and feel" I bit my lip not sure about his words until Shane palmed my back a little to harsh.

"Dude, lets take you home…"

"You're supposed to be playing tonight" I raised my eyebrow.

"Nah, let the newbie's have the night, we need to take a look at your little red book to find some awesome songs to sing next week" he winked at me pulling me out the kitchen, outside the other guys were already waiting at the door and strangely holding my bag and jacket.

"James tell me you have some beer at home" started Pete grabbing me by the shoulder and moving me like they were afraid I wanted to go back inside and work my ass off…a part of me wanted to do just that but the most part wanted to have a nice night out with them.

"Nah, I'm too poor to have beer at my place…that would just be the biggest cliché ever" I put on my jacket.

"Ok guys I'll be leaving" said David hugging his wife, they were the only young married couple I knew that looked happy of being it "Take this workaholic bastard to have some fun, we can work on the songs later" and with that I was lost, once David said something it had to be done, so the next thing I knew was that I was in line to get inside a nice enough club not even out of my work clothes.

"Ok, we're getting some nice ladies –dudes for the pretty boy- and we're getting wasted tonight!" screamed Xander when we could finally get inside making us laugh. I stumbled when I practically collide with some short dude.

"Sorry du…" I froze when a familiar pair of brown eyes looked at me.

"James!" yelled Carlos wide eyed before he jumped and hugged me almost choking me, the other guys looked at me in bewilderment, aside from them I had never shown any closeness to anybody "You're alive! And not a hobo!" I couldn't help but chuckle at his words, apparently he was the same old Carlos.

"Ok, ok I need to breathe" I put him at arms length when it hit me…Kendall was in town for his concert…Carlos was standing in front of me…I knew they kept contact because I had seen Kendall's twitter once or twice. My heart rate quicken when I began looking around for those emerald eyes "Are you here with somebody?" I asked casually.

"I was supposed to see Logan and Kendall" SHIT! "But I guess I got into the wrong club" Oh good I could breathe again "But James! Do you live here? How are you? Are those your friends? What do you do? Did you grow?"

"Easy there! One at the time" Or maybe _none_ so I can run the hell away from here!

"What happened?" and he had to pick the worst one "I wont let you get away, we need to talk" he took my hand and dragged me outside the club, I let him because to be honest I had missed my hyper friend.

"James!" we turned to see Shane following us looking worried "You ok?"

"I'll call you later, go get yourself a pretty lady" he nodded not completely convinced before getting back inside the club; Carlos and I walked to a bench near the club to get some privacy.

"I think I should call Logan…" he started and I panicked, I could deal with Carlos but Logan was _way_ more perceptive and it was almost impossible to hide something from him.

"NO!" I took away his phone "If you want to talk then it's going to be just you and me"

"Why? Kendall and Logan are your friends too!" I flinched at his words, if only he knew how close Kendall and I had once been.

"No Carlos, if you call them I swear to God that I wont talk to you ever again" he paled at my words "And you wont tell them that you saw me either"

"Why the secrets James? What happened?" I passed a hand through my face giving his phone back, I knew he wouldn't call them.

"My mom died…I was alone" and heartbroken "I decided that I couldn't live like that so being 18 I could manage my mother's money…I sold everything and gave the money to charity"

_I looked at my childhood home with hatred two days after my 18__th__ birthday, I didn't have any great memories in there, normally we spent the time at Kendall's home, that was more important than this place._

"_James, are you sure? At least you should save some for your needs…all that your mother worked for, are you certain that you want to throw it away?" said my mother's lawyer._

"_Oh yeah…but you're right I can't start from scratch…take 10% of everything and put it on my account…the rest give it to this place" I lent him a folded paper, the address to an orphanage and an animal shelter._

"_This is very noble of you James" he took the paper._

"_It's not noble when I'll gain a lot for doing it…now where do I sign?" I was about to scratch the contract when _he _walked at the other side of the street completely engrossed with the blond in his arms, she was stunning, the kind of girl that you expected to date a rising star…I felt the pang of jealousy, hatred and pain at the same time, I couldn't live there any longer, I had planned on renting a small apartment near the neighborhood but now I realized that I couldn't stand the thought of seeing him, or the fear I had of getting face to face with my best friends…no, I had to move away, I could travel for a while…get away from everything._

"Dude that had to be millions!" he looked at me like I was crazy, maybe I was, I had spent the money in stupid stuff –like my awesome tattoo- and now I was fishing for any penny available and being quite happy like that.

"Yeah well, it's just money" I shrugged "And what has been of your life? How are you?"

"I'm in engineering school…not doing that bad" we laughed knowing that he had brains but found it hard to get it running in a normal way "Logan is killing himself in Med school…and well you _have_ to know how's Kendall doing" so much pride in his voice…that got the best of me.

"Don't fucking mention him" I fisted my hands "Ever"

"James…" he reached to touch my shoulder but I moved up avoiding him.

"You know what? I'm not in the mood to talk right now…I missed you and I'm sorry for getting away like that it's just that…I'm happy now and I don't want anything to do with the past…and that includes you" he looked down before a shout startled both of us.

"Carlitos!" no, NO! It couldn't be that voice "Dude it was across the street!" I felt my heart race seeing the blond walk to us not putting the slightness attention to me…he was wearing a flannel shirt just like the first time I saw him, but this time it fit just perfect, his legs hugged by some grey skinny jeans and his golden hair falling on his eyes…I had to escape, I couldn't face him..not yet. I started walking backwards trying to stay unsighted but I stumbled with a trash can throwing everything down, he lifted his gaze finally noticing me…his eyes widened and before he got the chance to speak I ran with everything I had.

_His tongue trailed through my body, my breaths were harsh and forced. His hand began palming me taking away my sanity._

"_Kendall" I moaned as he unbuckled my belt and got his hand inside my pants making me gasp in pure bliss. His lips went back to mine and I was sure he was sucking my soul with them, taking all the hatred I could store in his honor and replacing it with something terrifying and yet beautiful. I tugged his hair making him gasp, deciding that I liked that sound a little too much I lowered my hand opening his pants and started pumping him slowly, he growled burying his face on my chest. Then, like something lit up inside his head he yanked away my pants leaving me completely naked and getting his index finger inside me, my eyes widen barely registering what he wanted to do, then he added other two fingers, I dig my nails on his back fighting the pain when his moving fingers touched a spot inside my body making my vision go white "S-shit!" he kept silent kissing my jaw as I moaned rocking my hips to meet his fingers…the next thing I knew was that I was on my knees and he was entering my hole…it hurt like hell but it felt so good at the same time…he pounded in me grasping my hips with so much force I knew it was going to leave marks, a little voice in my head screamed to stop, that something was off about him but I didn't care, it felt too good…_

I stopped when I reached a park knowing that no one was following me, I laid on the grass thinking that in those five years I couldn't take him away from my mind. The moment I had woken up I was alone, I dressed sensing a kind of hollowness I had never felt…the way he had taken me it was like I was whore instead of his friend; I had walked inside the Knight's residence to find him presenting his girlfriend to his mother, telling her how much he loved her, how happy she made him…I didn't even make a sound when I left.

"I knew I could find you here" said Shane sitting next to me catching his breath, after all this was our favorite park to just sit and think in each other's company, wasn't surprised that he was there, the reason he was my best friend was that he worried about me like a little brother, he had told me that his died when they were young and that I somewhat reminded him of little George…at first I had felt like a replacement, but I knew better, he was there because of my behalf, not his brother's "Your friend said that you had run off…he seemed worried"

"Was he alone?" I sat hugging my knees to my chest.

"Kendall was with him…he looked…"

"I don't want to know" I growled.

"Why did you run? I thought that last time we talked you said that you didn't feel anything for him anymore" of all the people in the world Shane was the only one that knew every detail of my life and it felt good to have someone to trust that much.

"Apparently I was wrong…I don't want to feel like this…I hate it so much" I thought about what Hector had said to me, maybe after all those years it was finally my chance…perhaps it was a way to get back to the same level as Kendall, to take everything from him like he had done with me…there was just one step keeping love from hate…if only I took that step life could be a lot easier, I had never wanted to hate him disliking that destructive emotion but now…it would help me become who I needed to be in order to get my little revenge "Shane…"

"Yes?"

"Do you really think we can make it?"

"I know we can, we have my mayor bass skills, a master at the drums, two awesome guitarist and now we have your voice…we will mark a new rock era, this people has lived surrounded by pop way too long"

I looked at the dark sky, he was right, we would make it. I smiled feeling an adrenaline rush, it was time to take the world by storm, maybe last time I wasn't ready, I had been terrified of what people could think of me…now I didn't fucking give a damn, I would scream at them that I liked other dudes, that my life had been crappy, that I was in love with Kendall…oh yeah that was something they could never guess…the number one bachelor was so gay he had fucked his _dear_ friend…the media would go wild, if there was one thing I had leaned from my mother was to manipulate, and I knew that if I controlled the gossip and info around Kendall's past, I practically controlled his life.

"Beware world, the fricklets will take you by storm" I said following my train of thought when I heard Shane's chuckle.

"Yeah we _need_ a better name"


	3. Chapter 3

I think I'm a review addict! I can't live without them! Lol soo please let me know what you guys think! I mean I see the Favs and all and **thank you** for that, but please people will it kill you to leave some thoughts about this thing?

Ohh well my drama moment gone I leave you…

P.D. Rockstar is owned by Nickelback

CHAPTER 3

I looked around in awe; I was in a fucking music studio about to record our first single…FUCKING SHIT! I couldn't bring myself to believe it. Neither of us could stop smiling, the place smelled like mint and _money_, Hector had been right, after that last jig at the café a record company had gladly welcomed us into their arms.

"Guys grab on, we're going to be rockstars" whispered Xander, his eyes shining "No more crappy clubs, no more three hour lines…sign autographs to get free stuff…yeah I can practically see us there"

"Don't be too happy just yet" started Maryse' friend Rick, our new producer "First we have to pick a first song, it has to be catchy, good and fun so people turn their eyes at us"

"Did you bring your book? We could use your lyrics" asked me Shane, he was talking about a red notebook I had, where every time I felt like my past was about to swallow me I wrote everything down…for me they weren't songs but after everybody checked my lyrics out they agreed that they could make awesome music with them.

"Let me think a little" we got inside the band's room, it was a place for us to chill while we thought of songs or rest, I bumped in a comfy couch and stared at the ceiling thinking about possible songs while the guys spoke about being famous, I grinned hearing Pete say that the first thing he would do was to get a _fine_ car…and by fine he meant Lamborghini _fine_…Xander started rambling about the mansions, girls and rockstars…well I didn't have much to say in that matter, I had never been in a real relationship and didn't think on getting into one anytime soon…David simply said that he would love to travel the world, play for the masses and have financial stability for his baby…at this everybody started telling him how boring he was…Shane just smiled and said that he would earn the Play boy's mansion key.

"Dude you're such a whore" I laughed.

"What? Better a manwhore than a druggie" he sat next to me "Ok lets see those lyrics"

"Rick" the man turned to look at me "I'm not fucking doing a commercial song, I can write you a fun song, a hard song, a morally awkward one but not the junk that has been around the last couple of years"

"Ok lets see your work first" he agreed, I grabbed my bag and took out my notebook knowing that none of the ones I currently had were that kind of songs, but hearing my friends rant was giving me a pretty good idea; taking my pen in my hands I started writing a smile creeping in my lips as I read the stupid words I wrote, it would make a lot of people at least smile.

"And he´s on fire people!" yelled Pete looking through my shoulder.

"Fuck off" I closed the notebook, I didn't like people nosing on my job when it wasn't done.

"Come on! At least sing a paragraph!" he whined giving me a fake pair of puppy eyes, I rolled my eyes sometimes he reminded me of Carlos.

"Wait a little damn it!" I stood up and sat at the table up front thinking a little, that idiot had made me lose my train of thought.

"James…" I lifted my gaze to see David "Do you care if we turn on the TV?" I shook my head and he did, I let the distant sound of E! News get inside my head until I heard them talking about Kendall.

"_Kendall Knight the big pop sensation…I mean yeah we all know and love him but girl what has gotten into him?_" said a gay looking dude in fake horror "_first he cancels his VOGUE interview! Who does that? Is he crazy? Then he punched a paparazzi! Ok I think the guy has some mayor stress levels!_" I frowned it was weird for him to gain attention by the media in that kind of stuff, normally he was charming with everybody and went to every single interview possible, even if it was a teen small magazine…yeah it was a shame but I could admit I always knew what was going on with him.

"_Sure thing honey_" continued the blond at his side "_But give him this, he´s 23 and he has behaved like no artist his age has ever have…well except from the fact that he dates a different girl every two days_" they all laughed like he whoring around was something to praise him for, if only they knew…knew what? Maybe he was bi or that night was just a meaningless pity fuck. I ducked my head in my arms, I was so happy that day, now thanks to him I was all depressed again…this had to stop!

"Guys I-I have to go" I got up sensing their worried looks "I´ll get back in a couple of hours with the song" I put on my jacket and walked outside after fiving Shane a warning look, I didn't want him to follow me, I needed to deal with my shit alone…the big question was how.

I looked at the inscription on my left forearm as I walked outside the bouilding ´Let your joy scream across the pain´ I loved that quote the minute I read it…I didn't even remember where I had read it, I just knew that having I crazy moment I took the little money I had left and went to a tattoo shop…it had been painful but I would definitely do it again. I sighed walking to a nearby park, I sat on a bench and got my notebook out looking at the lyrics frowning, they were good but a lot of them spoke of heartache…I didn't want to be that kind of artist, I had to do something fun for our first track and a bunch of deep kickass songs for later…I had enough life experiences to do them, I could even think of some verses that the guys would relate to, so I started writing. I had never considered myself a writer until now, back in Minnesota I was the not so smart rich pretty boy, just that; now after years of learning the true value of solitude, work and money I had learned that my mind worked in crazy ways, always finding a way to translate my thoughts and feelings into words. My pen slide through the pages with ease, once I picked the chorus the rest of the lines flowed on their own, I started tapping my pen finding the right beat to it. I grinned when I finished it, it was long yeah, but it was fun and surely a lot more people than just rock fans would be singing it…for the first time in years I felt my old self trust back, I knew it was a great song, I knew we were going to be big for it…Kendall beware, your little pop heaven would stumble down when James Diamond made his appearance.

I stood up and walked to the nearest copy store and made a copy for each member of the band and one for Rick, then I went back to the studio not losing my smile as I entered the band room, the guys were chatting but they grew quiet when they saw me in, I gave them the sheets and when I was sure that they had read it I raised my notebook and started to sing.

I'm through with standing in line  
>To clubs we'll never get in<br>It's like the bottom of the ninth  
>And I'm never gonna win<br>This life hasn't turned out  
>Quite the way I want it to be<p>

"Tell me what you want!" yelled Xander while he started playing the guitar following my beat, my smile grew bigger as I continued singing.

I want a brand new house  
>On an episode of Cribs<br>And a bathroom I can play baseball in  
>And a king size tub big enough<br>For ten plus me

"So what you need?" I gave him a thumbs up and the other guys started putting more attention to the lyrics to help us in our little dynamic.

I'll need a credit card that's got no limit  
>And a big black jet with a bedroom in it<br>Gonna join the mile high club  
>At thirty-seven thousand feet<p>

"Been there, done that" we all laughed at Rick´s words, that was a keeper.

I want a new tour bus full of old guitars  
>My own star on Hollywood Boulevard<br>Somewhere between Cher and  
>James Dean is fine for me<p>

"Yeah Cher is just _fine_" I shut up to look at Pete before all of us started to laugh.

"Keep your comments dude, you better find the beat to this thing" I said.

"So how you gonna do it?" came Xander to the rescue, yeah better line.

"Chorus guys" I said before I continued.

I'm gonna trade this life for fortune and fame  
>I'd even cut my hair and change my name<p>

'Cause we all just wanna be big rockstars  
>And live in hilltop houses driving fifteen cars<br>The girls come easy and the drugs come cheap  
>We'll all stay skinny 'cause we just won't eat<br>And we'll hang out in the coolest bars  
>In the VIP with the movie stars<br>Every good gold digger's  
>Gonna wind up there<br>Every Playboy bunny  
>With her bleach blond hair <p>

Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar  
>Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar<p>

I wanna be great like Elvis without the tassels  
>Hire eight body guards that love to beat up assholes<br>Sign a couple autographs  
>So I can eat my meals for free –I pointed my finger at Xander who smiled at the lyrics-<p>

"I´ll have a quesadilla on the house!" this time Pete got the aim.

I'm gonna dress my ass  
>With the latest fashion<br>Get a front door key to the Playboy mansion–I winked at Shane who was laughing loudly-  
>Gonna date a centerfold that loves to<br>Blow my money for me

"So how you gonna do it?" repeated Xander and I went back to the chorus before taking the next paragraph.

And we'll hide out in the private rooms  
>With the latest dictionary and today's who's who<br>They'll get you anything with that evil smile  
>Everybody's got a drug dealer on speed dial, well<p>

Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar

I'm gonna sing those songs  
>That offend the censors<br>Gonna pop my pills from a pez dispenser

I'll get washed-up singers writing all my songs  
>lip sync 'em every night so I don't get 'em wrong<p>

I sang the chorus one last time smiling when Pete started clapping finding a nice beat before almost speaking the last lines.

And we'll hide out in the private rooms  
>With the latest dictionary and today's who's who<br>They'll get you anything with that evil smile  
>Everybody's got a drug dealer on speed dial<p>

Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar  
>Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar<p>

I finished and Rick started clapping while we all laughed, it was an absurd song but it spoke about what everybody wanted to do when they hit fame, including me at some point.

"Guys take it to the studio, we´ve got our first single" said our manager.

"Before the single!" I turned to see Shane raising his hand "We need a band name, we have a crappy one right now" they all nodded in agreement "Any ideas?"

"We need a strong name, if supposedly we will bring back the rock we need something that would sound like that" spoke David.

"Adrenaline Rush? Man of steel? The pop killers?" began Pete.

"The Diamonds?" I smiled and they all glared at me "It´s a joke!" I screamed when a bunch of cushions were thrown at me "Fuck who´s pulling your panties!"

"Hopefully not you" said Shane throwing a last one landing right on my face.

"Yeah the gay vs the whore, who would win people!" screamed David.

"Not the married dude that's for sure…he left his balls back at his wife´s purse!" they all laughed and David glared at me before launching himself to me, I ducked him but he got my feet sending me to the ground.

"Dude you´re supposed to be the mature one!" he took away my shoe and threw it at me, I caught it and knowing that Shane was too worried laughing his ass out I aimed and tossed it getting him right between the eyes noticing that David had stopped moving smirking on the floor looking at the red mark in my best friend´s forehead, the other two were hysterical…moments like this reminded me a lot of the ones I had with Carlos and Logan, I felt kind of bad for running of like that on Carlos but I had no way of contacting him and I wasn't good with apologies…besides I had told him the truth, I wanted nothing to do with my past and that included him. I closed my eyes trying to control my laughter.

"How about…just _Rush_?" asked Xander a little breathless, I nodded smiling a little.

"I like!" I said raising my hand before the other ones screamed and howled in agreement, we were kind of noisy people.

"Ok then, Rush time to get that new single going…what is the song called James?" he asked me as I got up grinning.

Kendall PoV

(7 months later)

"_This is it people! Our most requested single of the week is…_" the guy signaled some drums for emphasis "_The great surprise of the year! Rockstar by Rush! But before we go, remember people that you´re minutes away from watching the band´s first music video from their song Had Enough!_" I grimaced hearing his words. I was currently at my kitchen having some breakfast with my sister watching some TV, she was all exited because she loved Rush…I was miserable because I hated that song, and it wasn't pretty that I got to hear it everywhere.

"Hey, hey I wanna be a Rockstar!" sang Katie dancing on her spot and grinning when she noticed my glare "Why do you hate that song? Is it because it´s stealing your fame?"

"You know I don't care about that" I sighed when we heard the front door open.

"Morning Amigos!" screamed Carlos´ voice, two minutes later he came through the door followed by a tired looking Logan.

"Oh I love that song" smiled my nerdy friend "It reminds me of James" and that was the same reason why I hated it so much. When he realized what he just said his own face fell, out of all of us Logan had been the most affected by James _departure_, they had known each other the longest after all "I wish I knew how he´s doing…his birthday is in two days" like I could forget that date…or the day after.

"We saw him" I raised my eyes at Carlos´ words, we knew that when Logan was too tired his normal emotional control was erased and the sadness of losing his best friend took over, not even almost six years could take that away from him.

"When!" now he looked wide awake, his gaze going from Carlos to me.

"Around seven months ago" Six months and twenty eight days I corrected Carlos´ words in my mind.

"Where?" now he sounded mad, we hadn't said anything to him because well…I just couldn't and I had no idea why Carlos kept quiet I just thank him silently.

"New York…" I murmured.

"It was that night at the club, wasn't it?" he turned to look at Carlos "That was why you were glaring at Kendall that much" I fisted my hands, after seeing James run off like that Carlos had well enough assumed that I had something to do with the fact that he had left all those years ago "Tell me"

"I bumped into him at the club…he seemed fine, he was with some friends…he looked happy" he shrugged sadness filling his eyes "We went outside to talk, he asked me about us, he told me that he had missed us but…he was different…then I mentioned Kendall and he just snapped" now even my baby sister was looking at me silently asking _why_ "Then Kendall found us and he ran…Kendall I gave you months to come and tell me what happened, he looked terrified of you…what did you do to him?" I opened my mouth to tell them that I hadn't done anything to him, to lie to them, when the TV made all of us turn shocked.

"_James Diamond, vocalist of the band said that this new music video is a statement of who he is, he´s the first to introduce himself in the world and that every song of their new album, in stores tomorrow, gives away a part of every one of his band mates…tell me Gil what did you think of that?_" the guy turned to his co-host.

"_I think that I have to watch the video first, well here it is people Had enough by Rush_" the screen turned black before showing a house backyard, the take continued until a tree house came to view…_my_ tree house…then a black pair of boots appeared, the camera moved up revealing a pair of toned legs dressed in black skinny jeans, then a sculpted chest covered by a white v-neck shirt…_his lucky v-neck shirt_…and finally I saw his face and I couldn't find any trace of the terrorized hazel eyes that had haunted me during those months, his eyes were cold and had a sparkle in them that screamed danger, his smug smile made an appearance as he lit up a lighter and the music started with a hard rock beat.


	4. Chapter 4

Okay, the BTBreak-up PROMO! OMFG! I´m going to cry in that episode! Fuck Jo for making my Kendall sad! ugh I don't even like her! But oh well at least Worldwide´s coming out of that xD

Wow you reviewed! **Thank you!** Even if fanfiction´s crazy and the alerts don't get in time to my email…weird!

Okay people here´s the next chapter! Remember Had enough is owned by Breaking Benjamin, you can look for it so you can know how´s Rush´_style_

Take care people!

CHAPTER 4

Kendall PoV

I watched the video, my mouth open and my eyes wide…he was practically telling us his story, his friends and life…but a lot of the things we saw we didn't knew…that beanie, the same beanie that was always next to my bed, was a gift from his father…the last one...it showed us the crappy relationship he had with his mother, it was clear that even if she cared about him, she didn't love him like a mother should…why did James never told us anything about this? Maybe it was just me the one that didn't know about it, I didn't want to tear my eyes away from the screen to see my friends reactions…then they showed a hockey game, where young James made a goal and looked happily at his mother, but she was talking by the phone…but when another kid goaled she practically jumped cheering for him…

Milk it for all it's worth.  
>Make sure you get there first.<br>The apple of your eye.  
>The rotten core inside.<br>We are all prisoners.  
>Things couldn't get much worse.<br>I've had it up to here, you know your end is near.

Later it showed the whole band playing, they were all in black, he was wearing normal jeans but a tank top showed his sexy body and _tattoos_? He had an inscription on his left forearm and a snake that hugged his right arm leaving its head on his neck…I couldn't believe that he had done that, he used to be so worried about his flawless skin but he looked so fucking hot…I cleared my head of those thoughts finding out that he sang like I had never heard him before, with a deepness that even changed his voice a bit…no wonder I didn't recognize his voice in the other song. I fisted my hands when I saw a kid looking just like me when he said ´your end is near´…I felt his words as a warning, like he was in front of me looking at me with those harsh hazel eyes…did that mean anything? Would he put something about _that_ day? No, James wouldn't do that…right?

You had to have it all,  
>Well have you had enough?<br>You greedy little bastard,  
>You will get what you deserve.<br>When all is said and done,  
>I will be the one!<p>

To leave you in the misery and hate what you've become.

But some of my answers were found with what I saw next making my insides twitch…first there was the audition perfectly played, just like it was engraved in my memories…fuck, if my fans saw this they would know for sure it was about me, they even had added the eyebrows…a younger James was in school looking blushed and nervous…as _I_ took my shirt out…wait _what_? It couldn't be possible…he…wrote my name in a little red book, making the letters look cool, his gaze still fixed in me…shit…the video changed to a hospital room with him crying on a woman´s chest…I was sure she was my mother.

Intoxicated eyes, no longer live that life.  
>You should have learned by now, I'll burn this whole world down.<br>I need some peace of mind, no fear of what's behind.  
>You think you've won this fight, you've only lost your mind –he touched his temple smirking that sexy side smile of his…I was sure I had a boner by now-<p>

Now the real James was emotionless looking at a grave…his mother´s grave. The video went back to the past to the tree house, I swallowed when he came into view, looking tired and broken.

"Hold me down (I will live again)" he sang quietly as I saw my younger self climb inside the tree house, not even saying a word and started kissing him "Pull me out (I will break it in)" he continued closing his eyes before going back to the scene where it showed me touching him…they let enough to know what had happened inside that tree house…James woke up alone "Hold me down (better in the end)" he ran back to the house finding me introducing Jo to my mother "Hold me down!" I saw pure hatred in his gaze when his eyes shot open again.

"Shit" I hissed, now everybody would know how much of an ass I was.

You had to have it all,  
>Well have you had enough?<br>You greedy little bastard,  
>You will get what you deserve.<br>A series of quick scenes went on, they showed a little kid taking the beanie from him, the same kid his mother cheered to, the same one taking off his shirt…the same bastard that fucked him the day his mother died "When all is said and done, I will be the one! To leave you in the misery and hate what you've become!" finally they showed the band playing on a packed stadium, out of one hit they had become one of the biggest bands in the country and they sure showed it as he said the last lines of the chorus

"HEAVEN HELP YOU!"Screamed James against the mic was the first scene came back, this time he threw the lighter to the house and seconds later the house started burning "HEAVEN HELP YOU!" he sang one last time before letting go of the mic and walking back with a cynical smile as the screen went black behind him.

"_W.O.W_" said Gil from the TV looking amazed "_I have no idea what to say! James is one hot dude and…do you noticed that that blond asshole looked a lot like…_" the TV turned off, surprised I looked back to find a trembling Katie holding the remote, I opened my mouth to tell her to turn it on again when I saw Logan move faster than I had seen him in years, he went to grab my shirt and connected his fist in my jaw pushing me to the ground.

"Logan! Calm down!" yelled Carlos going to held back our friend…if looks killed I would be dust cuz of the glare he was giving me, it wasn't hatred, I could have dealt with that, but plan and pure hurt and disappointment. He looked like he wanted to say something but at the end he just shaked his head and walked outside…Carlos took a moment to decide going away with him, it was for the best I thought…he looked like he was still in shock and I didn't want him to snap at me, it would be a lot more painful than Logan´s punch.

"I wish I could punch you too" spoke Katie while I got up.

"Do it, I deserve it after all" I shrugged.

"I can´t, not even knowing how stupid you are" she sighed "What happened Kendall?"

"You saw the video, that´s exactly what happened"

"No brother, I want you to tell me what possessed you to do that to him!" she punched the table, it wasn't a secret that she had always seen James as her second big brother "H-how could you sleep with him and after go back to the bitch Jo?" I blinked stunned at her words, she wasn't much of a curser at her seventeen years. I sat back at the table resting my head on my arms.

"I wasn't thinking, I just wanted to make love to the guy I love but…I also wanted to hurt him because he didn't love me back"

James PoV

Two weeks after the video release I was looking at myself in the mirror smiling at my latest tattoo, if the first one hurt the snake had been beyond painful but in the end I looked absolutely awesome. I had loved it so much I decided to ditch the cool clothes I had for the Had Enough video and wear my simple tank top to show them…of course the guys didn't let me see the end of it but I was way too happy to care.

"Don't you get tired of staring at yourself?" joked David moving me aside.

"Nah, pretty things such as _the_ face are for my body to have and your eyes to stare" I winked at him "Besides it´s too early to be tired already" we heard a door open. We were at the hotel´s lobby waiting for Rick to get us to the conference room, it was our first big conference with the fans and for some reason I wasn't all that nervous "Why are they taking this long?" I groaned tired of waiting, the other guys were sprawled in the couches, Pete playing with his PSP –like I said he reminded me of Carlos way too much-, Xander reading some magazine and Shane was asleep.

"Okay guys its time…why is Xander drooling on the couch?" we all knew Shane was a heavy sleeper and that once he fell asleep it would be hard to wake him up.

"You gave us last night off" for normal people that was not an answer, but for us it meant that he and Xander had gone off to find ladies for the night…the whole night. Pete and I had stayed with David and Gen, his wife, watched a movie and went to sleep, boring I knew but we had been touring like crazy and it was nice to have a quiet night every once in a while…besides I had to deal with the emotional drama inside me because one, we were at LA and we were going to have this big conference…and two…Kendall lived in LA.

"Follow me" said Rick after we managed to get Shane up, we walked to the room and a smile appeared in my lips, it was packed! And everybody started screaming when we went inside…fuck, who knew that after two singles and a golden album…YEAH HE HAD HIT GOLD ALREADY! We´ll be treated as…well rockstars "You go and sit there" he pointed a temple in front of us "the dynamic is this: there are two lines on each side of the room, the fans will ask you questions and at the end we´ll think of some activity for charity" we nodded starting to walk, we got on our sits and the host started speaking.

"Hey LA, how´s everybody doing?" the room was filled with cheering "Okay guys, this morning we have a band that has surprised everybody in the industry, they are Rush and why don't we let them introduce themselves?"

"What´s up LA! I´m David Brooks, I´m 28 years old and I play the guitar"

"How´s everybody doing? I´m Pete Turner, I´m 29 and I rock the drums"

"Alexander –Xander for short- Dunne, I´m 28, lead guitar"

"Shane Anderson, 28, bass and second vocals" damn he sounded more asleep than awake.

"No guys Shane is not mad…he just hangover" that got me some laughs and a finger from Shane "I´m James Diamond, I´m 24 and I´m main vocals"

"There you go guys, for the ones asking questions, please say who do you want to ask before you do it, okay we´ll start with the line on the right…go"

"H-hi!" I smiled at the yelp that poor girl gave us "I-I´m Sabrina and my question is for J-James"

"Shoot" I said to the mic giving her my signature smile…I could swear she was about to faint, I felt an elbow on my side and looked at Shane who mouthed _asshole be nice_ making my smile grow.

"I-Is it true that you wrote all the songs?"

"Yes and no…I did write them but the idea of most of them was from all of us…specially the introducing songs"

"Thank you" I gave her a quick nod before turning my gaze to the other line.

"Hello, I´m Stephanie and my question is for Xander"

"Hi Stephanie" he waved at her happily.

"First I would like to say that you rock at the guitar and second…are you currently dating anybody?"

"Nah, I date but not much time to have a serious relationship" sure, like he ever had a serious one.

"Hello I´m Nate and my question is for James" oh a not-so-bad guy, what would he ask? "Have you ever heard from your father? Have you tried looking for him?" Fuck and on with the personal drama.

"Last time I talked to him he lived in Texas with his new family" yeah five years ago.

The questions went on, they asked the guys what their introducing songs were about, they asked me about the video, about hockey, it was fun and they seemed to appreciate how open I was with all of this…well after years of hiding out I was ready to get out and shine.

"This is a question for all of you" said a brunette girl "Could you tell us how did you guys met each other? And why is James so young"

"Pete and I have known each other sense forever" explained David "Xander came around in junior high and Shane in college"

"I used to work at the café where they used to jig, befriend Shane and before we knew it they were begging me to sing with them…and don't remind them how old they are, they get grumpy" that earned me a small punch from Pete.

"The thirties are the new twenties" he said and I laughed.

"Keep telling you that Pete, it might help you against grays" said David making the people laugh.

"Hi, my question is for James, do your tattoos have any meaning? Do you have more than two?"

"Well the inscription says ´Let your joy scream across the pain´ and if you´ve seen the video you know why that´s helpful…the snake, it´s my favorite animal and I thought it would look cool…I don't have more and I have no idea if I´ll get another one"

"Thanks"

"Hi my question is for David…how do you keep your marriage going and how do you take care of your baby while touring?"

"My wife´s awesome" he looked to the side where she was holding their baby "She´s always been there for me and I hope she´s proud of me…the parenting…well I can hardly remember a thing called sleep" we laughed knowing that the little monster of his son could pull up some screams "It´s too early to tell you about great experiences …" he smiled before looking at me. Fuck I knew what he was about to say "But the best one was when James got to change his first diaper" the guys started laughing loud at the memories, I just grimaced it had been one freaking time! After that I had no trouble taking care of little Owen "Let´s just say that he could manage to keep my baby clean…but don't ask me about himself or the entire house" ok if it wasn't me who he was talking about I would be laughing too.

"Thanks" said the fan barely stiffing her laugh.

"Next!" I yelled desperate to get their minds away from _that_ "And before that I just want to add that even if his baby monster stained with shit my clothes I still love him" a big _aww_ emerged from the audience, oh yeah back to the good side of people.

"People this is the last question, after we´ll do a little fundraiser activity with the guys" informed the host.

"Cut it out…" we all looked at the girls fighting for the mic at the right.

"Girls not need to fight for us, too much Pete to share" winked Pete making them blush.

"Sorry is just that…my question is kind of…it´s for James" she sighed "There are some rumors on the web that…well you remember that blond guy from the video?" I nodded, the guys became serious all knowing that _that_ question would come sooner or later "Some people say that…given that you two are from Minnesota and that they look alike…they say that it´s Kendall Knight" and just like that everybody went silent, I could swear that if I dropped a needle I would hear it.

"Are you asking me if he is the same guy?" I raised my eyebrow.

"Yes"

"Why don't you ask him just that?" I laid back on my chair smiling knowing that with that everybody would run for him, yeah Kendall what would you tell them? The girl looked at me wide eyed before going back to her seat.

"Okay" the host sounded his throat "Our activity will be a special auction" I will kill them if they tried to take away my lucky comb or my lucky v-neck "We´re auctioning the rest of day with the band member you like!" WHAT? I turned to Shane who had the same expression…oh well the price of fame "But first of course let me tell you that with David he´ll bring his wife along so people don't get the wrong ideas" mmm I should find myself a boyfriend to get around this shit "Let´s start with him and with $200"

As the auction went on I found that it would be fun to hang around a fan, I was a pro at flirting and small talk and maybe a hot guy would ask for me…I needed some action in that front, lately I had been plagued with wet dreams involving those eyebrows…yeah I was worse than a teenager. Xander smiled when a brunette with big boobs got him, Shane and Pete were a little disappointed with their crazy teen fangirls, David got himself a dude who said that he would bring he wife too to make it less awkward…yeah they got nice ones.

"Now for James, who offers $200?" a bunch of hands raised "$250? $300? Oh $500 over there!" I raised my eyebrow the guys had been sold around 1000-1500, could I beat their prices? "Do I see a 600? Yes at the back!" I looked at the woman that kept her hand raised without hesitating, she looked bored, like she didn't want to be there, why pay so much money? "$1600! Ok 1600 at one, 1600 at two"

"Two thousand!" a girl screamed in the back, she looked like she was spending her life savings on me and when nobody spoke I knew I would go out with her.

"2000 at one, 2000 at two…" I started drinking my water mentally preparing myself to deal with that kind of fans.

"Five thousand dollars" I choked on my water hearing the bored looking woman as my friends cursed surprised.

"5000 at once, 5000 at twice…Sold! Bring the money to that lady over there and go to the hotel´s next conference room to wait for the band please" we started clapping, well that animal shelter would have some nice money "Thank you all for your company, a big round of applause for Rush!" we waved as we got up and started walking to the back.

"Fuck! James how do you do it!" started Pete hugging my shoulders "Five thousand…shit!"

"And she didn't even seem that interested" I frowned "Oh well who cares, at least I won´t have a fifteen year old that would probably faint when she sees me"

"Ugh don't even remind me of that" whined Shane "Why me?" I laughed as we got inside the next room, I looked around for the woman but I didn't find her.

"James the woman from the auction represented someone else, this is your fan" started a girl from the staff as she pushed me close to a dude on the back, he was wearing a cap and sunglasses, I felt my stomach droop when he took them off and looked at me with those emerald eyes.

"Hey James" smiled Kendall "Ready for our first date?"


	5. Chapter 5

Waa they finally face each other! Gosh I thought I could never get to that part! Yay!

Okay your reviews for last chapter were looooong and I looooove that xD and most of them told me how much you hated that Kendall was alone and that James was being too hard on him…okay I´m not going to say how I think about that because seriously we havnt even got to Kendall´s reactions to everything! But I guess it´s acceptable :P

Now for the new chapter!

CHAPTER 5

Kendall PoV

"You´ve got to be shitting me" he said with the most _WTF_ look his beautiful face could make "_You_ paid five grand for me?"

"I would´ve paid more" I answered truthfully. He sighed passing his hand through his face before starting to laugh…he was freaking _laughing_! For a moment I feared for his mental health "What´s so funny?" I couldn't stop myself from asking.

"What did you expect from this?" his eyes still had that cynical and amused shine "Get pretty publicity? Get me to forgive you so you can fuck me again?"

"Don't talk like you know me James" he wasn't the only one that got all fucked up out of that time.

"You know what, yeah I don't, if I did I would have known the kind of self center bastard you are…and I was supposed to be the selfish one!" his voice started to get loud and the people around us started to look in our direction, great so much for keeping whatever was going on between us a secret.

"Self center? Shit James I didn't know you could see so much inside my soul" I put my hand on my chest in fake hurt before I glared at him coldly "I already paid, you have to spend the rest of the day with me"

"I don't _have_ to do anything, if you´re worried about your money then I could pay you back but…fine I´ll play along" his eyes gleamed with curiosity.

"Remember that curiosity killed the cat"

"If that´s how you put it then if you want to play with fire, you´ll get burned…don't think you can toy with me anymore" he said putting on his jacket

"So…where do you want to go?" I already knew that he could burn me if I let him, I had to be the first one to hurt him in order to keep my feelings safe.

"I haven't been to LA, might as well show me around" he looked back where one of his band mates was calling for him "What the fuck do you what Shane?"

"Hey don't get all PMS on me!" the other dude said walking to us "I was just going to ask…" he stopped when he saw me "What are _you_ doing here?"

"I´m his date"

"The fuck you are… Rick!" James rolled his eyes before putting his hand on his friend´s mouth and turned him to look at him.

"He is, now stop worrying about me and go to your fan" he smiled warmly, I had to look away, I couldn't stand that sight…he had never looked at me that way, not even when we were supposedly friends…I still didn't fully believe that he ever had a crush on me, not after when he had done after we had sex.

"You sure?"

"Yeah" the dude glared at me before going away "Okay, show me the way" he signaled the way with his arm.

"The beach is close enough, do you want to walk? It´s not so hot out there" I said putting on my shades but I took them off when I saw that it was cloudy outside.

"Sure" we went out and I had to take a deep breath, if some paparazzi followed us there would be no doubt left about me being in the video…not that James answer to that fan had helped me a lot. We walked in silence, none of us daring to break it, it was simple: we weren't fit for small talk, if one of us started speaking we would most likely to start with the past or the reasons for a lot of things…I didn't want to know anything, I was there mostly because I wanted to be close to him for once, but he couldn't know that, Logan was wrong, it was impossible that he still had feelings for me "What are you doing?"

"What do you mean?" I frowned not getting his question.

"Paying to see me" he put his hands on his jeans…shit how could they even fit in those jeans, they were like painted on his legs or something…snap out of it Kendall! You don't need a boner right now! I focused on getting my answers straight and walking.

"I didn't know if you would agree to see me any other way" he maintained a polished poker face, the one I knew from every day when we were kids, the only day he kept it away I had practically taken advantage of him "Why didn't you put up a fight today? Why did you agree so easily?"

"Just be glad I did" his eyes darkened "Do you know a nice place to eat? I haven't had breakfast"

"Follow me" we walked in silence to a small dinner I loved, it was simple and private enough. When we got there he sniffed the air and smiled yeah the place had its charm. We got our sits on a cubicle at the back hiding us from photographers or fans, we ordered a burger and waited in a awkward silence, the moment they gave us the food he started eating like he had been starved for days; I felt a warm sensation, that was something that hadn't changed at all.

"Like heaven" I chuckled at his happy tone as he lowered the burger taking a sip at his soda "You come here often?"

"Lately not much…none of my dates like simple places like this" I could swear he flinched at my words, but I wasn't entirely sure so I continued "The girls prefer more fancy places…always gets them willing for a nice fuck" oh yeah he flinched.

"Manwhoring suits you well" _Ouch_ "So…what´s new?"

"Not much, just a little hate from the media thanks to certain gay dude"

"Speaking of yourself" he raised his eyebrow "Why the girl parade charade when we both know you don't like boobs?" because I don't want anything that reminds me of you…aha, I couldn't say that, he had made those two weeks like hell for me, I wasn't happy at all.

"Are you jealous? Or hurt that I prefer a boob parade than sticking my dick in you?" I saw his knuckles turn white.

"And I thought you would change" he chuckled drily fixing his gaze on the table "Then why did you do it?" his eyes shot back to me mirroring the hateful look he had in the video, I kept quiet not wanting to open up just yet "If talking wasn't the real reason for doing this, then what are we doing here?"

"I followed Logan´s advice…I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for him" his glare grew harder "But speaking of _that_ time…why all the fuzz James?"

"The fuzz?"

"About us fucking, why does that upset you? You could have stopped me and you never did, and about me introducing Jo to my mother well I wasn't going to break up with her only cuz I was horny and I fucked some dude"

James PoV

Now I was_ some dude?_ I wanted to punch him so hard. Hear his nose crack under my fist, but no, right now I was the polite one, I was the one that gave him a chance…I was the one hearing his heart break yet again.

"Glad I could give you some _release_" I kept my voice steady, he looked so calm and collected, like he really didn't give a fuck about what his words meant to me.

"Ditto" he gave a big bite to his burger "And what´s up with you? Is fame everything you dreamed of?" James… keep calm… you can´t break in front of him.

"More, it feels good to have people that relate to my songs…sing along them and care about us" I gave my burger another bite even if I had lost my appetite.

"Yeah you don't have to give me that shit James, that´s for the media, but remember that I know you all too well" sometimes I was afraid that he did know me that much, but he was wrong this time "We both know that you love the attention, that´s why you made that fucking video after all…well because of that and because you wanted to screw me"

"Yes Kendall, I love every TV show talking about me" or us "And that because of that you got some more haters" I knew my voice started to sound tired, being there in front of him was taking the best of me…why did I accept this shit in the first place? I thought I was ready to deal with him, I felt like I needed to prove to myself that I didn't feel anything for him anymore…yeah newsflash James! You still fucking love him even if he´s a complete asshole…you´re such a masochist.

"Do I sense sarcasm?"

"Is being an ass your new hobby?" I just couldn't take it anymore.

"I guess that seeing you have so much fun being one made me curious…" he laid back on the chair smiling.

"Me? Are you taking this on me now?" I was pissed, how was all that my fault?

"You´re blaming me about that time, when you were all eager to cooperate…you publically humiliated me, that for me it´s being an asshole" how could I tell him that it _really_ wasn't my idea? That the idiot of Shane told the director my life´s story and he loved it so much that he had convinced me to do it.

"You know what, this was a mistake" deciding that I couldn't take it anymore I got up, left the money and walked outside grimacing at the rain…_really_? After a horrible time now I would ruin my clothes. No cabs around, perfect. I got my hands inside my pockets and started walking spotting a guy with a camera pointing right at me, well glad you could make fun of me on your magazine.

"James!" I picked up my phase when I heard him calling for me "Hey I´m sorry" he grabbed my shoulder and shoved him away turning to look at him.

"Are you bipolar or something?" I snarled taking in how incredibly hot he looked with his hair down because of the rain and how green his eyes looked…like I said a fucking masochist!

"Only when it comes to you" he sighed, sure again throw the blame to me "Why are you so angry after a one time fuck? It wasn't like I took your virginity, we both knew you had more one night stands before we had sex" I fisted my hands truly hating him for the first time…I had gone out in dates, but thanks to the stupid crush I had on him I had never hit third base with them…fuck him… I caught a glimpse of that paparazzi closer to us and I did something I knew I would regret later, I took one step, tug his shirt and brought his lips to mine. The minute they touched it was way more than I expected, he took my lips hungrily, like he too was eager to touch me. The kiss was harsh, taking away all the pain he had inflicted me, all the years of thinking a million _what if´s_, all the sleepless nights where every time I closed my eyes I felt his hands on me…I heard him moan as I pushed him to a nearby wall, not caring about the world around us; his hands on my hair and his warm body against mine were the only things my mind could process; my neglected heart started racing at such fast phase that it was starting to hurt, it had been too long without a meaning full kiss…his kiss became softer, no tongues just our lips dancing enjoying the moment, I wanted to scream how much I hated him for doing this to me, but at the same time I wanted to whisper him how much freaking I loved him… I heard a distant click that reminded me why was I kissing him, I ended the kiss, we were both breathless, I rested my cheek on his before whispering to his ear.

"You play with fire, you get burned" he stiffened as I untangled myself from him and grinned waving at the camera, the paparazzi looked at me surprised as I called a cab, jumped in and left him there with a hand covering his eyes. I had a terrible urge to cry, which scared the shit out of me, I had never cried before, not even for my mother´s death…I would not cry for Kendall.

Kendall PoV

"Fuck off" I growled at the dude with the camera not caring about those photos, what was wrong with me? I kept thinking while I walked back to the hotel to get my car keeping myself from touching my mouth…maybe his intentions at first were to get me some publicity drama, but I knew meaningless kisses…and that wasn't one of them. I took a deep breath trying to calm my racing heart…I had tried to see his reactions to my fucked up words, I had hurt him…that meant that he did in fact held feelings for me? He didn't look all that troubled when I said things about us having sex, but the minute we mentioned Jo…he had lost his cool and started asking me why was I doing that to him…it was like he didn't care that we had sex, but he did care about me ditching him for my girlfriend?

I got to the hotel completely soaked, went to the parking lot and inside my car, I closed my eyes resting my forehead on the wheel letting my mind race back to that day for the first time in six years.

_I was so happy I could go back to my mother that I didn't even wait for Jo, I had gotten in the first flight home and now was about to get inside the house. It had been two years sense I went to LA, the first year and a half my mother had lived there with me, but now I lived there alone and I was enjoying every minute of it. I closed my eyes as they went to James´ house, yesterday had been his birthday, it had been two years sense I talked to him at all…of course he hated me, I had tried to defend him and by doing that I ended up stealing his dream…way to go Kendall! Like he couldn't hate you enough. I got inside smiling at the familiar place until I heard some noises on the back, I walked there seeing none other than James sitting inside my old tree house, he held this expression I had never seen before, like he was lost and in pain. It was weird to see those kinds of emotions in him, he was always smiling and flirting with whatever moved, and if not he had this poker face I hated. I remembered a talk I had with a dude back in LA, he had been so stoned I didn't give a second thought about telling him about the love I had for the pretty boy, he wouldn't remember anything the next day and it had helped me a lot. He said that even if it wasn't due to work, I owned myself to take something away from him, maybe a kiss? Normally James had the strength to kick my ass, but today he looked like he wouldn't do it, so I decided that I would take at least one breath from him to make up for all the sleepless nights and all the rejection he had put me through…I had climbed the stairs and got inside, I saw him relax at the sight of me…he looked beautiful there sitting like he was somehow vulnerable…but I knew better, James Diamond was never vulnerable…I sat next to him and smile in anticipation, he widen his eyes as I cupped his face and kissed him._

_I had never expected him to kiss me back, to take me so hungrily…neither I had expected to not give a second thought and fuck him then and there…I had followed some druggie advise, I had taken everything he could give me, it wasn't love, it was pure lust…hating him for this I decided to treat him like he whore he was appearing to be, all open up to me and eager to get this done…I had flipped him and taken him from his back, I loved the hissed he made when I got inside him, he was in pain, but kept pushing back to me moaning my name making it the sexiest thing I had ever heard…when we both hit climax he collapsed on the floor completely passed out. Just then I let myself really look at his face frowning, he had bags under his eyes, like he hadn't slept in days, he was slightly pale and…he _sobbed_? I straighten out stunned…James didn't cry, never, not even when his hair or clothes were ruined…I passed my hand through his face finding out that he was crying on his sleep, I cleared his face from any trace of tears until he stopped getting into a deeper sleep…was this because of me? What was going on? I heard my phone ring inside my pants, I went to get it, it was my girlfriend…the girl that loved me, the girl that had come all the way to Minnesota so she could meet my mother…I didn't need James or his regretful tears, if he so much hated me for what we had don't well fuck him, he should had stopped at some moment. I took my clothes, changed and went to get my girl._

"Why did you really cry James?" I murmured resting my back on the seat, when I found out that his mother had died that same day I had thought that that was the reason he had let me have him, to get his mind away from the ache…now that I thought about it, on his mother´s funeral he didn't let a tear drop, his eyes were cold and he didn't talk to anybody, like he didn't care…I tried to get the balls to talk to him, I really did, but two days later he was gone and no one knew where.

I remembered the video, in there they showed him in pain because of me…Logan, after getting our shit solved, had told me that the video was a scream for help, that it was my Q to go and talk to him, that he knew James, he knew that he wouldn't do that kind of stuff just because he wanted to hurt me. Well I had, and now because I was an idiot resentful for all those years, I had harmed him probably killing my public with that…surprisingly I didn't give a shit about my public life…maybe for the first time ever I was getting ready to take a real leap and risk everything…I wasn't sure that James loved me, but the more I thought about his actions in the past and present, the more I convinced myself that he did in fact held strong feelings for me…no one could stand that much pain for so many years just out of pure hate. Logan was right, we needed to talk about everything to get things straight…of course I doubted James would let me near him now so I took out my phone and dialed Kelly, she knew how to pull strings to get me a way to contact James…I had let him escape once, I would not make that same mistake again.


	6. Chapter 6

Mmm so now I´m about 90% out of school…finally! I thought this day would never come!

So guys, how did you like that last chapter? I got some love for Kendall and some love for James, omg am I making you pick sides! Lol But ohhh well, warnings about this chapter: too many PoV changes xD

Song used for this chapter: Lollipop by Framing Hanley, the cover of lil´wayne´s song, you should hear it before you read this! It´s awesome!

Enjoy!

CHAPTER 6

James PoV

I went back to the hotel and got myself locked in my room, I went to bed and bumped on it…I shuddered when the air conditioner found my cold skin…I was too lazy to get up and change so I groaned and hugged a pillow closing my eyes …I tried not to sigh, but I couldn't, even with everything that had happened in that afternoon I felt my heart race every time I remembered that kiss. For years everything I thought was that Kendall had played with me, that like he said, he was horny…he had never showed any signs of having feelings for me but that kiss…No! It was just my imagination, my emotions playing with my mind to raise my hopes! Shit, even like that had some trouble to get rid of the boner that little kiss gave me. I just wanted to sleep and forget about that whole day.

I didn't know how long I was there getting in and out of slumber when I heard someone knock the door.

"James? You there?" said Shane´s voice, I growled loud enough so he could hear me, I suddenly felt really tired "I can see things didn't go well with Kendall" I shivered thinking that maybe I should had taken away the wet clothes and turn off the air "How about we hit a club or something? I heard they have a big event at _The Bongaloo _club" Mop around in my room or get in a club and forget all about Kendall fucking Knight…yeah the answer was obvious.

"Be ready in an hour!" I yelled feeling my throat a little sore…good thing we were done touring for a month…if that hadn't been the case Rick would take my balls and roast them to teach me how to take care of my health…yeah he was a crazy guy.

"Not happening, you have fifteen minutes!" Groaning I got up and started to take away my clothes, I knew that I had to shower to take the coldness out of my body but the guys would leave without me and I needed to get drunk so bad, so I put on a black shirt and skinny jeans, passed a hand through my hair and got out.

"How did your dates go?" I asked Pete and Shane who were sitting at the bar getting the first drinks of the night.

"I can guess better than yours" sighed Pete "But no biggie, we went for some lunch and then we took pictures at sunset boulevard, Shane and his girl were with us so it wasn't completely terrible"

"Want some?" asked Shane as he served some whisky.

"Please" I drank it in one sip "Lets go!" I yelled taking another glass and walking to the exit, I heard them chuckle, I wasn't always the drunk hyper one, but they knew that when I was up for it, it was a blast for all.

"Do you want to talk about today?" inquired Shane as he drove to the nicest club in LA…this according to some friend of his, I didn't care I just wanted alcohol "What did you do?"

"If you watch any gossip channel tomorrow you´ll find out" I leaned my head on the cold window swallowing trying to take away the dry feeling from my throat. We got there and just like our song said, we didn't have to take a line, we got inside and I ran straight to the bar "Give me something strong!"

Kendall PoV

I was scattered on my couch after a long hot shower. I was bored, I wanted to watch some TV but I knew that it was likely to find someone talking about me so I kept glaring at the black screen.

"Dude you can´t turn it on with your mind, I already tried" I smirked at Carlos´ words.

"If only you had told me sooner I wouldn't have lost two hours trying" I joked as he sat next to me and we both heard Logan getting in.

"You´re here early, how did the conference go?" he asked stepping in front of us.

"Well…I got myself a date with James" I looked down.

"That´s awesome man!" cheered Carlos "When?"

"Today. We had lunch…I took him to La Playita, we had a burger and…" I passed my hand through my face "I was an ass to him…"

"Did you at least talked about that day?" wondered Logan, probably already knowing the answer.

"I told him that I had done it because I was horny, that he was nothing more than a nice fuck" after my little fight with Logan we had agreed to tell each other everything, they hated being left out, so now they would have to deal with the consequences of their requests.

"Dude you just kind of confirmed everything he thought about you" started Logan "Maybe yeah he´s unfair for being mad at you guys having sex but…"

"He´s not mad about it" I mumbled resting my elbows on my knees taking my head between my hands "He´s mad about me going back to my girlfriend after…I guess I´m starting to believe that he cares about me" Logan was about to speak when I heard my phone ring, I sighed getting it out noticing that it was a call from Dak "Hello?"

"Hey man! How are you? Are the paparazzis eating you alive yet?"

"Not now, but they won´t take long" at this Logan and Carlos exchanged looks before grimacing, oh yeah once they knew what I was talking about they would have worse looks "What is it man?"

"I´m re-opening my club, how about you take your popular presence there? Come on you owe me" yeah I did, he had helped me get inside that conference…I guess it wouldn't hurt.

"Wait a bit" I moved the phone away from my ear "You guys want to go to Dak´s club with me?"

"I´ll pass, I know it´s Friday but I have a big test tomorrow" growled Carlos looking miserable "Have fun for me"

"Logan?" he shook his head.

"Am too tired man, I just have tomorrow to rest before I go back to the hospital…being an intern is hell I tell you"

"I guess it would be just me then, I´ll go an hour or two just because I owe you" I heard him chuckle, I wasn't in the mood but dancing always cheered me up "See´ya there, bye" I hung up.

"Did James do something that would harm even more your image?" spoke Carlos getting up looking pissed "I think he´s overreacting"

"Thanks you´re the first one that thinks like that" I smiled mirroring his actions, I had to get a little more presentable for the club "But I guess I´m not too mad about it" having his lips against mine…I would take that gladly even if it hurt my image a little.

"What did he do?" frowned my latin friend.

"Kissed me in front of a paparazzi" I sighed, they both rolled their eyes, Logan somewhat amused and Carlos pissed "What are you smiling about?" I asked my nerdy friend.

"You guys are such idiots that it´s funny…oh well I just came by cuz Carlos call me telling that you looked miserable, I guess that if you´re going to a club you´re not that miserable…so I´m leaving"

"Wait" he raised his eyebrow "I need you guys to help me talk to James again…I want to do this right"

"Sure, but later right now I´m going to sleep and Carlos is going to study" he took my friends arm and dragged him outside, I waved at them smiling before going to my room and to get ready.

Half an hour later I was calling my driver, I knew I was going to drink that night and I didn't want to kill myself by doing it. He got there and the trip to the club was fast enough. The reason I loved Dak´s clubs was that he had high security, no paparazzi or reporter could get in, so I was free to do whatever the heck I wanted. I got inside, it was packed but that was good because the more people inside, the more they ignored me.

"Are you a stalker or what?" I frowned when I heard someone tell me that, I turned to come face to face with James´ band mate.

"What are you talking about?"

"You…" he both looked at the stage right on the center of the place when we heard a familiar laugh…it was James standing up…or stumbling down the mic.

"So…what´s up LA!" he screamed looking drunk, the people cheered for him "I made a bet with the dear Dak" he pointed where the singer was "He said, that I couldn't sing being drunk" he made an overly shocked expression "What do you think? Should I prove him wrong?" as the wave of _yeas_ crashed in he raised an almost empty bottle of tequila and drank from it…oh shit "They just have crappy songs in here…" he started looking at the lyrics list they had for karaoke nights "No people I´m not the idiot who will sing his own song without his band" he started making noises until he started laughing "Shane!" he screamed, I looked at my side, his friend was already walking to meet him with a bemused expression "Do you have a guitar? Check this song out!" James showed the lyrics to his friend, the guy started laughing and nodded before one of Dak´s staff made his way to the stage carrying a guitar…this _Shane_ dude took it and signaled James when he was ready, James put the mic on its base and practically used it to hold himself "Dak this is for you and for all the whores in this world!" I saw a glimpse of hate in his eye as everybody started cheering believing it was a joke. The music started with a solo guitar, simple and I kind of felt like I knew it "This is lollipop by lil´wayne with a little Rush juice" murmured James in a deep voice before practically purring the first lines of the song.

She said he so sweet I wanna lick the wrapper

And she… she licked me like a lollipop, like a lollipop

I felt my pants tighten just by hearing the first words…lick him like a lollipop… that I would definitely do. He kept singing, how could a hip hop song get this good when a rocker sang it was a surprise, but I liked it.

Shorty wanna thug

Bottles in the club

Shorty wanna hump

You know I like to touch

Your lovely lady lumps

The crowd was starting to feel the song, the mass of bodies rubbing against each other as James himself started dancing around the base of the mic.

Cute little mama had a swag like mine

She even wear her hair down her back like mine

I make it feel right when it's wrong like lyin'

And man she ain't never had a love like mine

His hips started moving against the tube, he brought his hand up to take away his wet hair from his forehead right before his eyes found mine, of all the things I thought he would do I had never imagined what he did next…

Man I ain't never seen an ass like _his_

That_ cock _in my mouth had me loss for words

I told _him_ to back it up like berp berp

I made that ass jump like jerp jerp

I was glad nobody had seen me yet or that everybody was too drunk to notice his change of words…I was painfully aroused at this point, my eyes glued to him, his hands hugging the mic and his mouth doing almost obscene gestures every time he said a word.

That's when _he_

_He_ licked me like a lollipop, like a lollipop!

Shorty wanna thug

Bottles in the club

Shorty wanna hump

You know I like to touch

Your lovely _manly_ lump

He smirked looking right into my eyes leaving the sentence hanging…shit, why did he have to be so God damn sexy?

Won't you get on your knees?

Won't you get on your knees?

Call me so I can make it juicy for you

Call me so I can get it juicy for you

Call me so I can make it juicy for you

Call me so I can get it juicy

Call me so I can come and do it for you

Call me so I can come and prove it for you

Call me so I can make it juicy for you

Call me so I can get it juicy

He waved his eyebrow taking another gulp at the bottle as his friend gave a little guitar solo, then he took away his shirt keeping his black tank top, the same one he used at the video before he went back to sing the last part of the song with such force in his voice and eyes that I had to lean on the wall and take a deep breath.

Shorty wanna thug

Bottles in the club

Shorty wanna hump

You know I like to touch

Your lovely _manly_ lump

"Won't you get on your knees?" He finished the song and everybody started asking for another one, he shook his head smiling before climbing off the stage, he put his arm around his friend´s shoulders and walked away. I took a deep breath trying to get rid of the painful boner, he had always found a way to get inside my pants that no one could match. Deciding that it was best to go back home I started walking to the exit on the back, normally at this hour there were some photographers on the main entrance to the club and I didn't need any more publicity right now. I found the door and walk outside to the lonely alley, just when I started walking I heard the door opening again and seconds later a pair of strong arms turned me before his lips crashed on mine, he tasted like alcohol and something else…probably his own flavor. I moaned as he pulled my pants to meet his and our clothed erections rubbed each other. I dug my hands on his hair not letting him move away smirking at his gasp when I rocked my hips on his.

"Were you…singing for me?" I knew this would piss him, but I couldn't help it. He groaned pushing me to the nearest wall a little too hard and starting to attack my neck.

James PoV

I licked the little red mark I left on his neck sensing his shiver, his hands found their way to the hem of my tank top getting his fingers under it caressing my skin…shit I knew I was doing this thanks to the alcohol, but I didn't really gave a fuck, I just wanted to touch him to have him quivering under me moaning…just like he was doing now.

"Stop, James" I closed my eyes and stopped moving as soon as those words left his breathless mouth, apparently he had more will force than me when it came to sex "We can´t…not here" I raised my eyes meeting his, they were deep green, clouded with lust "My place" he started taking my hand waiting for my answer, I gave him a quick nod and he pulled me fast to the back of the club where a black limo awaited, he opened the door and signaled me to get in…this time he was giving me the choice…oh well I was way too drunk and horny to think about anything other than fuck him senseless.

I didn't hesitate to attack him once we were inside, not even waiting for the driver to fully close the window that separated him from us; I pushed Kendall making him lean against the seat letting my hands wonder around his body. He moved to kiss my neck as my right hand found his _lovely manly lump_, he gasped tugging my shirt as I palmed him applying just enough pressure for him to feel my hand but not enough to get him too worked up, I wanted him to last until we got to this place. I started passing my thumb through his thighs as I nibbled his lip. He tried to touch me but I wasn't having that, I grasped his hands and pulled him so he was completely laying on the seat and I was on top of him…fuck I loved limos. Keeping his hands pined up with my right one I continued palming him, his moans grew louder making me smile, the first time he had been mostly silent…now I wanted to hear him scream my name over and over again.

"James" he hissed rocking his hips to meet my hand, I sensed the car stopping and I gave him one last kiss before getting up taking his hand making him follow me, he leaned on my chest for a couple of minutes taking deep breaths prior getting out of the car, his hand still on mine. I didn't even look at his place, I just waited enough for him to open the door and get inside, I pushed him to the wall harassing his swollen lips.

Kendall PoV

He had my back against the wall, I was about to move to my room when I felt my pants loosen up and his hand sliding inside.

"James" I hissed as he started palming me through my boxers.

"You love my hands on you, don´t you?" his hoarse voice made my cock twitch; I swallowed not finding any traces of my pride as I slowly nodded against his neck. He moved so fast I didn't registered that he was pulling me up making my legs wrap around his hips as he walked to my room "Which way?"

"At the end of the hallway" I started kissing his jaw and neck just before I moved my hips gridding him, he cursed and I went back to the wall as his lips attacked mine hungrily and the next moment I didn't have any pants on…oh no I wasn't going to be naked when he was all dressed up, I took his shirt and tank top away eager to get my hands on him. He was bigger than I remembered him and a lot more sexy. I let my hands touch his tattoo grinning when he shivered, he was acting tough and maybe he was, but like me, he just lost it when we were together. I took his hand and walked us to the room, in there I turned and kissed him walking back until my knees found the bed and we collapsed in it our lips not separating one inch. He took away my shirt, the feeling of his chest next to mine was so _good_. I pushed him so he was laying on his back and started kissing his neck and pecks, taking one of his nipples between my lips.

"Kendall" he moaned, it was the first time he said my name in years and it scared me to hell how happy made me to hear him. I continued going down until I was facing his pants, I popped them open and towed the jeans away licking my lips at the sight of the bulge inside his black boxers. He tugged the sheets as I started a rolling motion with my thumb on his inner thighs before I removed the underwear freeing his manhood. I took it between my hands and pumped him slowly.

"Fuck" he gasped jerking back his head, I continued as my other hand moved to his ass, when my fingers came close to his hole he got up and switched positions grinning at me "Did you really think you´ll be topping this time?" I was about to argue when he gave me _the_ finger right at my face, then he proceeded to get that same finger in his mouth licking it painfully slowly; when he was done making me impossibly hard he lowered his hand and shoved the finger on me, I flinched not ready at all, at first I thought that being mad and drunk he wouldn't take the time to prep me properly, but against all my doubts he continued moving his lonely digit in and out of me in a slow phase, curling it every now and then probably looking for my prostate.

James PoV

I was more alert now than I had ever been. I went on moving my finger trying to read his expressions, he was in pain, I knew that and for obvious reasons a part of me wanted to get on with it and take him there, just like he had done with me. But the most part of me wanted to do this right, I had no idea what I would think of this night later, but for now it was the greatest thing. When a small moan escaped his lips I let my index finger join my middle inside him. He hissed moving his hands to rest them on my shoulders burying his face on the crook of my neck. I let the temptation win and I kissed him sweetly, perhaps I was up for another heartbreak but thinking that I was mere seconds from being inside him made me go on. I let one last finger in, this time he did whine and grasped my shoulders so hard I knew he would leave marks. I moved my digits until I finally hit his prostate, he gave me a muffled yell throwing his head back. I carried on touching that spot merciless making a moaning mess out of Kendall. I took my fingers out getting a small whine from the blond, then I moved to get my painfully hard dick barely touching his entrance, he gasped as I began entering in him. He was so tight I could cum just by getting my tip in there. I hid my face on his neck trying to go slow, when he surprised me by crossing his legs behind my back and pushing me inside him. He wanted to play rough, then he´ll have just that. I smirked taking his hands up once I was completely in, I grasped them on top of his head as I kissed his lips fiercely. Then I started rocking gaining speed, I moved to hit his prostate in every thrust, he jerked his body moaning a mix of curses, nonsense and my name. I wanted him to cum just by me fucking him, no cock touching, no teasing anymore, just my dick inside him.

"I´m…close" I let his hands free and he hugged my shoulders right away "James!" he screamed before he started shooting his seed on both of us, his whole body tightened sending me to the edge right behind him.


	7. Chapter 7

CHAPTER 7

Kendall PoV

_The time I finally realized that I loved James Diamond was on eight grade. We were at my place, ready for a slumber party, it was a night filled with junk food and video games…paradise like Carlos said. _

_I had always found James interesting, he hated me, I knew that much, but it was curious how in spite of his feelings for me he would put on a nice face for our friends behalf. He rarely said my name, he gave me names like Kendork, Kendog and my personal favorite –it had cute kid James all over it- caterpillar eyebrows…most of the times we had spoken to each other it was because I asked him something, he never approached to me…and that started to hurt, at first like a small needle in my finger, it stained but I could live with it…then that pinch moved to my heart making me mad because who did he think he was? All amazing and popular pretty boy…did he think he was better than me? Why couldn't he take the time to give me a second glimpse? Like these questions didn't trigger enough confusions, my body started to react for him. The first time was one day at gym class, we were all sweaty and tired, but he had this energy flooding through him, he was always good at looking _better_ than anyone doing…well everything, he had moved his hands to the hem of his shirt and took it away letting his frame covered by a black tank top…in later years I had learned to love that tank top almost as much as his lucky v-neck. In the middle of the gym I had my first painfully hard boner…I wasn't too bothered about it, I was a teen in development after all, my mom –after the most awkward conversation ever- had told me that accidents like this would happen but that later I would learn how to control my body, I thought that it would go away eventually…no one told me it would get much worse, that every one of my dreams were going to get plagued by his lips on mine, his hands touching me, his hazel eyes finally looking at me..._

_That night we were sitting side to side on my bed watching Carlos beat Logan in Megaman soccer, he had this distant thoughtful look, I knew better than ask him what was wrong, I just looked at his face framed by the TV gleam making him look almost mystical, his eyes shining…I just knew that he was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen. Without noticing I raised my hand and before I could touch him he frowned at me, I stiffened shooting my hand back to my lap._

"_What were you trying to do Kendork?" he grouned._

"_N-nothing. Y-you look sad" I mumbled fixing my gaze on the TV, not expecting any kind of answer from him._

"_I had a fight with my mom" he whispered, my heart started racing, he was actually telling me something about him, and he said it so quietly that I was sure I was the only one that could hear him._

"_A-are you ok?" I swallowed moving to look at him, he had his eyes down and was hugging his knees._

"_Sure, I´m used to it" he shrugged before smiling "You made an awesome play last game…that goal was the best" _

"_Thanks" I knew he changed subject to keep me away from his life, but I couldn't care less, maybe by speaking of unimportant things we could finally start a friendship "You were pretty awesome too"_

_The rest of the night we kept talking about hockey, the only thing we had in common, it was so great that I was practically beaming when we were forced to go to bed, he slept next to me and I lost myself looking at his peaceful expression, he had his mouth slightly open and a small smile playing on his lips…his lips, I wanted to touch them so bad, how would it feel to…? No! Kendall control yourself! You can´t have a boner when you´re in the same room with your friends…he started moving, I stayed still as he rolled to his side letting his hand terribly close to mine, I brushed my fingers to his and felt an electric bolt in my entire body…I didn't care about his self absorbed attitude, or his obsession with his looks…I just cared about the way he protected Logan from any bullies, telling them to stay away from his best friend or he would beat the shit out of them; or the way he followed Carlos´ lead in any stupid adventure just to have some fun with the latin…or the way he…the way he simply was himself…that moment was when I found out that not even outside of puberty I would stop feeling that way about him, that I loved him so much my heart ached. _

_Later that year we were at his house and Carlos was nagging us about who did we like from school, sure like I could tell him that nobody was appealing to me except James…that I didn't know if I liked boys or girls because everyone disappeared when the brunette was close._

"_I don't know, I like brunettes" one brunette, who was weirdly looking a little unsure, maybe choosing someone from all the line of followers he had. I touched the grey beanie he had given me all those years ago, maybe I had kind of stolen it from him, but at the end he told me to keep it, that was more than he had ever done for me._

"_I bet you have a crush on Diana!" she was my lab partner, a cute brunette but no, sorry guess again; I noticed James biting his lip "Who do you like James?"_

"_No one" I raised my eyebrow, no way, he was too much of a flirt to really believe that "Yes, I haven't found someone worth this much perfection" he pointed at his face making our friends laugh, it was so typical of him. Deciding that it wouldn´t hurt to fish for more info I decided to ask._

"_So…" I tried not to look so embarrassed, he looked especially _good_ that day taking away all the barriers I could make to control me when he was close…of course he glared at me, like telling me that talking to him was off limits…I had to be brave "For you to like someone, that person has to be perfect?"_

"_Yes, the best for the best" I had to look back to my notes, I was the farthest thing from perfect, I wasn't that good looking, I had abnormal eyebrows, I had second hand clothes…the only things I was good at were helping people and hockey…right there I decided that I would do anything I could to be perfect and get him to fall for me._

I had my eyes barely open taking in all the memories, I had never planned for things to get this way. After knowing that by being the best I could he wouldn't stop hating me I started to feel resentful…I wasn't bad, I had my own list of girls behind me, they kept telling me how _hot_ I was, why couldn't James see that? I had even yelled at some big ass producer for him…of course after that I made one of those life changing choices and ended up in this mess.

Now we had slept together again…I had no idea what to do, he was drunk last night I was sure that being in his whole senses he wouldn't even get near me. I sighed sitting up not daring to turn back and look at him. I was scared for the first time in years. I had thought that the deep love I had for James would lessen with the years, I had believed in that lie even the day before, now…now I knew better, there was nothing I could do when it came to him and today he was probably going to wake up and leave…that after yelling at me of course, he wouldn't take responsibility, it was easier to throw the blame on me.

I put on my boxers and walked to the door to get the newspaper when a series of muffled noises caught my attention. Frowning I peeked through the window and widen my eyes at the sight of more than a dozen reporters outside my house.

"Fuck" I mouthed before running to the back door and finding more there, I bit my lip as I turned on the TV going straight to _E!_ and all the gossip morning shows…and like in the movies, all of them were talking about that kiss. Deciding that it was better to wake James up I took a deep breath and went to my room, I sat on the bed and finally gave him a look frowning when I saw him sweating a little and that he was hugging himself like he was cold "James?" I called him trying not to think about the fact that he was practically on my side now and his head resting on my pillow "James" I moved my hand for his shoulder frowning when my fingers bruised his skin, he was hot, as in feverish hot "Hey wake up" worried about him I raised my hand to his face seeing him open his eyes, they were glassy and he looked to be in pain of having them open. I rested my hand on his forehead confirming that he was way too hot, I moved to my bathroom to get a thermometer Logan had made me put in there from the first aid kit, went back and grimaced when I noticed that he hadn't even moved except for the occasional cough, he had always been bad with sickness, every kind of cold always sent him to bed for a couple of days; I sat next to him and gently touched his lip with the thermometer, he opened his mouth and I shoved it inside and waited "103°, shit" knowing that I didn't have anything to give him to lower the fever I decided that even if he hated me for doing it, I had to get him in the shower "Do you think you can walk?"

"What?" I barely heard him, he frowned sounding his throat wincing a little blinking fast, apparently trying to really wake up.

"We need to cool you off" against all the warnings sounding on my head I moved to pull him by his arm, the minute he sat he growled taking his head with his hands "Hangover and sick, that´s just bad luck" I mocked gaining a glare, which didn't exactly work given that his eyes were too glassy and in pain that my heart melted "Come on" I got up and like last night I offered him my hand, he would probably shove it away and go by himself but instead of that he ducked his head and started to take deep breaths before his hand found mine…damn he must really feel bad. When he was up he almost lost his balance, I was gladly there to steady him and he started coughing.

"Fuck" he hissed frowning.

"Don't tell me this is because we got wet yesterday?" I mocked, he mumbled something that sounded like _air conditioner _and _fuck you_, oh well I was kind of getting used to his insults so I rolled my eyes and took him by the waist leading him to the bathroom. I noticed a blush creeping on his cheeks, it could be because of the fever but something told me that it was because I had to help him shower, he was independent like that. I helped him get inside the shower, he seemed awfully weak, colds didn't do that to you on the first day.

"I puked like three times at night" I raised my eyebrow at his unasked answer, that meant that he was up before all the paparazzis got there, that he could have gone away but he didn't…that meant something, right?

"Why get drunk like that James?" I took off my boxers not missing the stare he gave me, perhaps being sick he was a lot more approachable…and being the house surrounded by the media I didn't think he would like to go out…that meant that we were stuck with each other for the day…well until I decided to call freight train to get rid of the mob…yeah I wouldn't do that just yet.

"You´re showering with me?" his voice was faint whisper, I hope he didn't have any concerts because like that he wouldn't sing one word.

"James, you look like you´re about to faint and I don't need James Diamond´s unconscious body on my shower" shutting up all his complains I turned on the cold water, he practically jumped at the contact, I had to take him by the waist to keep him in place "I know it burns, but we have to take down the fever" he was shaking and his eyes fixed beyond me. Yesterday I decided that we would talk, that no matter what, I wouldn't let him run away anymore, I could guess that this was destiny´s way to tell me that yeah, I should do just that "You didn't answer"

"I wanted to have fun" again the glare, I wanted to tell him that for today that didn't work, but in some weird way he looked too cute to stop him "What?"

"Nothing" if I wasn't close enough to him I decided to take a step closer…and he stumbled backwards "Why is it that you have to be sick, sad or drunk for me to get close to you?" I whispered taking yet another step, now he was trapped between me and the wall, I smiled when I saw him swallow as I raised my hand to cup his face. His eyes finally found mine and I saw a whole bunch of different emotions run through his hazel orbs, like he was trying to make up his mind; that wouldn't help me, if he had the time to think things through he would most likely get to the conclusion that hating me was the safest thing…I did not want that. So I brought his head to mine and kissed him.

James PoV

Why was he doing this to me? Like I wasn't fucked up enough. I tried not to respond to that kiss, but my body had a mind of its own, making me close my eyes and sigh at the touch of his lips. It wasn't like any other kisses we had, this one was gentle and slow, just our lips caressing each other. I didn't need this, not now "No" I whispered ending the kiss; last night, I could deal with that, it was pure lust…but I had no idea what to do with him like this…I knew he had a thing for helping people and I was kind of helpless at the moment…_fucking air conditioner_.

"Why not?" he kissed my jaw "Why didn't you leave? Why did you sing like that if you wanted me away? Why did you follow me here?" I kept silent not having the slightness idea what to say to him…hey I wasn't even t my 30% here, my body ached, I could barely speak, my stomach was upset and my head pounded every time I blinked…so not fair! "You know, you´re going to have to answer me some time, after all we´re stuck in here" I frowned before looking at him, he had a smug smile "We´re cornered by paparazzis thanks to our little show yesterday" And that was it, fate had a fucking twisted sense of humor. He turned off the shower and I got outside not waiting for him, I heard him sigh like he didn't expect any different from me. I started drying my body silently thanking him because yeah, now I felt kind of better…or well enough to move by myself.

"Thanks" I whispered looking at the floor, he stopped moving probably surprised by my words, I had never once thank him, not even when we were kids. I had no idea what possessed me to do it but it felt right to be nice to him for a change.

"Anything for you" he said at my ear before leaving a small kiss in my jaw, I stood frozen praying for him not to feel my racing heart "I´ll lend you some sweats" he took my hand and made me walk outside…why was I following him so willingly? Why did all of that feel right? Wasn't he supposed to hate me? Maybe he was sweet and charming with all his blonds…oh now I remembered why I hated him. I let go of his hand and walked to grab my boxers and put them on "Is there a reason why you´re all up for hating me but you never gave yourself the chance to like me?" I turned to look at him, he sounded mad and hurt "I never did anything to hurt you…not after that day at least" he mumbled that last part before walking to his night stand and he took a grey piece of fabric…the beanie.

"You still have it?" I hated not having my _real _voice, I tried to sound nonchalant but it came out as a faint murmur…I kind of hoped he had thrown it away, something more to hate him for but…oh who was I kidding? My heart started giving leaps of joy seeing that he had kept the only thing I had unwillingly given him.

"Do you want it back?"

"No" somehow my answer didn't surprise me…all those years of obsessing for that thing, of thinking that the minute I saw it I would take it away from him…they were just a way to cover up my true feelings…he looked good in it, like it was meant to be…I wanted him to keep it.

"But it was your father´s" he in all his naked glory walked to stand in front of me…even sick like this I had trouble holding back an erection.

"I gave it to you, like your mother said once given you can´t take it back"

"You remember that?" he looked surprised, she had told us that when we were on first grade, and for some reason it had kept fresh inside my mind. I just shrugged watching him put on his boxers before walking to the closet and taking out a pair a sweats throwing one at me. I put them on and my tank top before sitting back in the bed resting my head on my hands before having a small cough attack, not losing any second he was at my side rubbing my back…damn it, what was going on here? We both jumped when we heard the front door slam, he walked fast out of the room before I heard the unmistakable screams of Katie.

"ARE YOU STUPID? Don't answer that we both know you are!" I smiled, good old Katie…God I missed her. I took a deep breath, got up and started to walk outside the room, she was standing in front of Kendall and practically throwing daggers from her eyes "Like things aren't complicated enough you go and kiss him? Idiot!" as fun as it was to see her bitching on Kendall I decided that it wasn't all that fair so I stepped in.

"I kissed him" I spoke, she slowly turned to look at me in disbelief, then she screamed and ran to hug me.

"You idiot! I missed you!" she was a lot taller than I remembered…well six years sense I last saw her…fuck now she was glaring at me, then at Kendall –who had this deep expression that gave me chills- and back at me "So you guys finally realized that you love each other?" she smiled. If things were that pretty I would be the happiest person in the planet.

"Sorry Katie" I shook my head "Things aren't like that"

"Then how are they James?" asked Kendall as his little sister stepped back from me "Because last night you were all willing to spend some time with me"

"I was horny and you were there…sounds familiar?" I raised my eyebrow finally being able to put on my poker face "I guess we didn't need to talk to get in each other´s pants after all"

"Oh now you´re about to give all the blame to me, aren't you? Just like the last fucking time!"

"The last time, like you said it was one fuck…now this is another fuck and believe me I would have been already gone if you didn't have a fucking security code to open your fucking door!" he winced "Yes Kendall I didn't stay because I felt something or because I thought we could be friends again…you and I know that we have never been friends, now I don't care what the press thinks about me, so if you please open the door to your _fort_ I would like to go the hell away from here" my voice started fading, great now I was pissed –at myself mostly, why snap like that?-, aching and aphonic. At this my phone started ringing, I went back to the room ignoring the Knight´s and answer it.

"Where are you man?" spoke David clearly worried "Shane said you disappeared last night and now you´re all over the news!"

"I´m at Kendall´s house, come and pick me up" he sighed and mumbled an _ok_ before he hung up. I turned when I heard the room´s door close, there was Kendall looking…I had no idea how to describe it, I just knew it gave me the creeps. The phone started ringing obnoxiously.

"Security code my ass" he growled before stepping close to me and taking me to a deep kiss…and again the same story. Why were his kisses so hard to resist?

"_This is Kendall´s house, leave a message" Bip. "Kendall Fucking Knight!" _said a woman´s voice, I had no idea how my brain registered it having his lips on mine sucking away my soul "_I sure hope you´re not cheating me, your PREGNED girlfriend, with that whore!"_ I was so out. I pushed him away from me, gather my stuff and walked outside the house.

**Okaaaay! This was hard because I wanted the both parts of James collide, because if you remember the first two chapters we see the most vulnerable side of James, trying to keep up with his life but at the same time mopping for what it could have been, and then we go seven months later to bad ass James, who now has his dream and is a lot stronger…how did I do it? Was it right? Wrong? Awfull? REVIEW AND TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK! =D**

**Alsooo, sick James, well he´s the allergic one of BTR, and my sister´s like that and a cold can get her bad, so yeah I thought that it would be sweet to have Kendall take care of him a little xD (I soo need fluff in my life!)**

**Take care people and REVIEW please! I´ll have the next chapter hostage if you don't! *insertevillaugh***


	8. Chapter 8

CHAPTER 8

James PoV

We were currently backstage at some fundraiser and we were about to perform in front of over 10,000 people…It was overwhelming to say the least. I smiled, we were arguing about which song to perform, because we knew that a huge number of people would hear us, making the next song a new hit. I personally didn't care as long as it wasn't one of the ballads…for obvious reasons I was not in the better mood; we had two ballads on our album, one loving and the other heartbroken, if I sang the first…well I could twitch to death, love was the last thing I was feeling at the moment; if I sang the second one…that might be another story, seriously I didn't want to know what would happen to me if I did.

"I say we do Burn" I spoke after taking a drink of water, it was overly hot, we were in Texas and after two days of weather over 103° I was eager to return to my dear cold New York.

"You´re just saying that cuz you want to sing it for Kendall" said Shane, who wanted us to sing the heartbroken song, _his_ introduction song.

"Fuck you" I splashed him some of my water and he punched my arm.

"I´m with James" Pete raised his hand "Dude, we need something to get the crowd worked up, they are falling asleep because of the heat, hands up if you agree!" I grinned when I saw David and Rick raising their hands, voted and sealed.

"Guys you come up in five!" screamed a guy from the staff. We got up, the guys started testing the instruments and I made some vocal exercises, I had lost my voice for about three days and I hated every minute of them, I didn't want that to happen again.

When they announced us the crowd went crazy, I had dreamed about this kinds of events my whole life, and now I was doing it out of charity, like it was an everyday thing…well maybe it could be, but it was the best fucking feeling in the world, it didn't matter how angry I was inside, moments like this made me forget everything.

"Hello Dallas!" I screamed in the mic "How´s everybody doing?" the noise was almost deafening "This is a song for all those mother fuckers that thought they could walk on our backs! It´s called Burn" at this the crowd screamed even harder, wow who knew they liked it that much? "Sing if you know it!" The guys started playing and I closed my eyes before I started singing.

I didn't know you were a fake  
>Every lie straight to my face<br>So blind I could not see  
>Right behind my back you stabbed me<br>Should've know you were a bitch  
>Shut up you're making me sick<br>Little man you're nothing like me  
>Lying cheating so deceiving<p>

I trusted you broke me down  
>And you screwed me over<p>

Don't try to deny it  
>You cannot hide it<br>I´ll be ignited

Shane walked close to me and nudged me smiling to my right, when I looked a grin appeared in my lips, one of the fans had a poster of Kendall surrounded by flames, I wanted to show him how much I appreciated the sign so I pointed at it as the first chorus came by.

When I get to watch you burn  
>BURN BURN<br>I wanna watch you burn  
>BURN BURN<br>I wanna watch you burn  
>You're gonna get what you deserve<br>I wanna watch you burn

The fans saw what I did and started fisting the air with me, I moved my hair getting on with the song.

You turn me inside out  
>My world is upside down<br>You're not hurt are you happy now  
>Looking over your shoulder fucking me over<br>I trusted you sold me out  
>This is far from over<p>

Don't try to deny it  
>You cannot hide it<br>Ill be ignited  
>When I get to watch you burn<br>BURN BURN  
>I wanna watch you burn<br>BURN BURN  
>I wanna watch you BURN<br>BURN  
>I wanna watch you burn<br>You're gonna get what you deserve  
>You'll never learn<p>

As I sang the second chorus the fans turned their fists to the poster, I just kept singing moving in the stage, that was a onetime thing only but I could not stop smiling, I was burning him all right "YAH!"

Your time has come now  
>Its your turn<br>I'll watch you burn  
>"BURN, BURN, BURN" I screamed, concentrating only on the music, I wouldn´t drown in memories of thoughts of him and his stupid <em>pregnant<em> girlfriend…fuck, I forgot the lyrics, I acted fast and put the mic to the people, they carried on the chorus, Shane gave me a worried look, I had never forgotten a single letter, now I was like this because of him…I was sure that by now I could not hate him even more…oh yeah the lyrics were back.

Your time has come now  
>Its YOUR turn<br>I wanna watch you burn  
>BURN BURN<br>I wanna watch you burn  
>BURN BURN<br>"I wanna watch you BURN" I finished the song and took a deep breath…was it going to be always like this? I could not take him away from my head even if I was singing a hateful song…he was with his _fiancé_, I had seen the announcement two days ago and I was trying not to think about it because we still had this concert and I could not break, I knew it would get ugly when all sank in, last time that had happened I had to run away from everything but this time I had a lot to lose, I had to be strong and hold on until I was safe at home "Thank you everyone! Remember to dial 1-800-Homeforkids and contribute to this cause!" I waved good bye and walked away closely followed by the band. I ignored their looks, got in the dressing room and changed to clean not-wet-with-sweat clothes.

"Wanna go out tonight?" asked Shane starting to change too "I think it would help you"

"Nah, I think that if there´s no problem I would love to go back to NY, I think I´m a little homesick" I sighed sitting on the floor resting my elbows on my knees.

"Yeah, touring for two months" he gave me a dreamy smile "Who could think we would get this far, right?"

"Hector did" he chuckled nodding "We are done touring, I need to lay low from all of this for a while…the media is driving me crazy" I scratched my head, after storming out of Kendall´s house barefoot and barely dressed they had put two plus two together and now I had a mob after me every single minute and being on a unknown city made losing them a lot harder. If I was in NY I could easily duck my way away from them.

"You practically did that on yourself" he sat next to me "I can´t began to think why the hell did you went to his place! If you wanted to fuck him you might as well have gone to a motel or something"

"Classy" I spoke sarcastically

"Me? Always" he gave me a one arm hug "But really, why did you go? He´s an ass, I don't get why did you even fall for this dude" I didn't answer him, I just put my hand on my face groaning. If only he had known Kendall before _Hollywood_ he would understand why…maybe I needed to talk to someone that knew both of us…I needed Logan, but I was too scared to talk to him…it had been six years without _my brother from another mother_, I had run away without even saying good bye, would he be willing to talk to me again? I surely hoped so "Hey! Hey!" I blinked seeing Shane´s hand in front of my face.

"Sorry I zoomed out" I shoved his hand away.

"No kidding!" he got up "So, are you going back to the hotel?"

"Yes, I want to pack and check the plane schedule, I am going back to NY…I want to call Logan" he frowned.

"Dude, it´s been six years, surely the dude doesn't have the same phone…"

"Maybe he doesn't use it; I know he lives in LA…"

"How do you know that?" uh crap, Shane didn't know my stalkerish habits with Kendall.

"I just do" I shrugged "He´s one intelligent guy, he knows one time or another I might try to reach him…I´m sure he keeps his old phone just in case"

"Ah do whatever you want, just call me once you got there I´m sure Rick won´t mind giving us a week free at least" I followed him before taking him into a _man hug_ "Take care man, forget about that idiot, he´s going to marry that bitch, I think it's a sight for you to forget about him for good…in all the time I have known you I have never seen you in a relationship, maybe you should give other guy´s a chance…James you deserve to be happy and not mope around!" he shaked me by the shoulders…it was easier said than done, but I knew he was right.

"I know, ok I´ll go" I palmed his back before going outside, the guys were talking with the crew and everybody went silent once they saw me "I´m going back to NY, I need some rest" I announced looking at Rick, silently asking for his approval.

"Ah what the hell! Go, but you better write another song for the deluxe album" I nodded and after hugging good bye all the guys I walked back to the limo grimacing at the yells from the paparazzis. Inside the limo, knowing that the trip to the hotel would last about half an hour I got my phone out and stared at Logan´s number biting my lip, before I knew it I was calling him…swallowing I put the phone on my ears hearing the tones…one…two…three…four…fi…

"Hello?" I hung up.

"Shit" I hissed putting my head on my hands…what was I supposed to tell him? _Hi Logan, long time no seen, I was all fucked up and decided to call you only cuz I need you_…yeah big self centered asshole I was. My eyes shot open when the phone started ringing…I took a deep breath and answered it and put in on my ear.

"James?" why did he sound so hopeful?

"Hi" was that my voice? Fuck. I sounded my throat "Hello Logie"

"It took you a while to call me" I closed my eyes "I bet you´re loving the attention" I chuckled, way to break the tension Logie, get that awesome sarcasm out.

"You have no idea…Logan, I´m sorry…I´m so…"

"Shut up James" he chuckled making me frown "I understand why…I´m not saying I´m happy that you left without a word but…yeah"

"Thank you" I sighed "Are you in LA?"

"No…wait, how do you know I live there?"

"Oh you know…I´ve always been kind of a stalker" I shrugged "Then where are you?"

"New York…are you around?"

"I´ll get there tomorrow…how long are you staying?"

"About a week, I got here yesterday…I´m visiting my girlfriend"

"Oh girlfriend? Who is she?" I smiled looking through the window.

"Not going for small talk James…we need to talk about more important things" he sighed "Do you have enough minutes for a good talk?"

"Yeah…I´m a rockstar after all!" we laughed even if I wasn't really feeling it "How are you? And Carlos?"

"Carlos´ back at LA working…I´m here…and you?"

"Could we skip the part where I tell you that? Just…not by the phone" I got out of the limo once it reached the hotel, the minute I was out half dozen reporters found their way to me.

"James! How do you feel about Kendall marrying Jo Taylor?"

"Did you know she´s pregnant?"

"How does it feel to wreck a young nice family?" ouch that stung. I stopped drily.

"Who asked that?" I inquired looking at them, a middle aged blond woman came into view, she was looking at me like I was scum "It feels like shit, I was in a wrecked home and I won´t wish that to anyone, ever…I didn't know that he even had a girlfriend but hear this, it wasn't entirely my fault, Kendall was as _cooperative_ as I was so the real _home wrecker_ here is none other than himself" I said in a low serious voice, I was tired of that shit, then I continued walking leaving that fucking woman with her mouth open. The minute I got inside the lobby I saw that Logan was still there "I can´t believe this people!" I said as I got in the elevator.

"I heard enough…is it always like this?"

"Yeah…why do they see me as the bad guy here?"

"Of course your image doesn't say _bad boy_ at all" I rolled my eyes.

"Oh leave me alone, I´m happy like this" the elevator stopped and walked to my room.

"Snakes on your arms…well you did love them sense you saw one at the zoo…I like your songs by the way…bought the album when it came out"

"Really? That is awesome" I got in and bumped myself at the couch turning on my laptop looking for the flight schedules "Which one you liked the best?"

"Not Alone" I nodded, yeah seeing a loving pair like David and his wife inspired me to write it, it was a nice song.

"Nice" oh there was a flight in four hours, perfect "I think I might be arriving to NY around 2am, I´ll see you tomorrow…"

"I can go and pick you up" he interrupted me "We really need to talk James…we got six years that need catch up"

"Ok, see ya there…later!"

"Later!" I hung up smiling…it was nice to think of seeing him again.

Kendall PoV

"According to this I´m getting married" I said looking at the newspapers "Why didn't I know about this?" I looked at Jo with my brow up.

"Oh they are just rumors the people starts to get entertained" she smiled caressing my arm…she had been really forgiving once James went out of reach "Baby?"

"Yes?" I put down the newspaper turning to look at her. She had told me about the baby the night before I saw James at the conference and…honestly, I didn't believe her, so I overheard her words and went to pursue the guy I loved…now I was alone with my clingy girlfriend, I had lost James probably forever and I had to make myself the idea of becoming a father…perfect week, right?

"I saw these beautiful Jimmy Choo sandals that I know the baby would love" of course she wanted something from my wallet.

"I´m sure our unborn month old baby would love them" I rolled my eyes.

"He´s six weeks old Kenny, and yes he surely would" I blinked once, blinked twice…six weeks? We hadn't been together six weeks ago…she was at a shooting trip with her co-star Jett Stettson.

"Are you sure? Six weeks?"

"Yes Kendall I am sure! I know my baby!" she said looking at her nails "So, would you get me the shoes?" she began blinking not noticing that she had practically told me that baby could not me mine.

"Sure, I´ll get them for you…now I have to go and talk to Carlos, be back in a sec" I got up and almost ran to my room, closed the door knowing that if she was happy about her shoes she wouldn't care. I dialed Carlos´ number feeling my hands tremble… it was too good to be truth.

"Hey man…"

"I think the baby it´s not mine" I whispered laying my back on the wall.

"WHAT? How? Why? You sure?"

"She practically told me, but…oh fuck" I sighed feeling like I had lost a weight I didn't know I had on my shoulders…I was not miserable because of the kid, but because if the perspective of spending the rest of my life linked to that…_bitch_.

"Don't cry" he joked making me smile "And what are you going to do?"

"I need proof or the media would kill me in no time…but I don't have any idea how I could…she would never agree to a DNA test"

"Then how did she tell you that it´s not yours?"

"She tricked herself, the baby is six weeks old…but at that time she was in Austin shooting with that jackass of Jett…I think she slept with him" I laughed.

"Dude you´re sick, you´re laughing at the fact that your girlfriend cheated on you" well he was laughing too.

"When that means my life isn't over of course I can laugh"

"How about you make her tell you in front of everybody?"

"I´m listening" I hugged myself seeing my bed and like every time the memories of the night James spent in there crashed inside me…I had to get him back, this could not be the end of us.

"You´re singing at that talk show tomorrow morning, right?"

"Yeah…"

"Well take her with you, I´m sure they won´t mind interviewing the couple of the moment…and when they ask you about the baby just say whatever the hell you said today to trick her again…well we could just hope she falls for that again" I had to put my hand over my mouth to stiff my laughter, he was a GENIUOS! Who said he was the misguided one of the group?

"I love you man…really if I can pull this off…I have no idea, I´ll get you a date with whoever you want!"

"Yeah, yeah…now let me sleep, bye!"

"Bye" I hung up and closed my eyes praying for things to go right for once.

James PoV

I walked to meet Logan with a big smile on my lips, I didn't even give it a second thought when I was hugging him.

"Fuck, it´s so good to see you" I said when we moved away "You got taller!" I joked and he punched my arm rolling his eyes. He looked just as I remembered him, black short hair, comfy clothes and a crooked smile.

"Shut up, come on I already got a cab" we walked outside and got in the cab, I told the driver my address and he started the short drive there "How are you doing?"

"He´s getting married…how do you think I´m doing?" I mumbled looking through the window. Until two days ago I hadn't realized that a small part of me still hoped to fix things with him…now I knew better because the minute I saw that announcement on the papers my heart had skipped a beat and I felt lost…I had to put on my strong face and dress all that emptiness with hate…I could not do that to Logan, not after he welcomed me with open arms after six years.

"Tell me, it will help you" I sighed passing a hand through my face…yeah it would but I didn't want to, over the last years I had been able to meet and care about new people, but they had never seen me for who I really was. Shane knew that sometimes the whole though boy was a façade, but he still didn't knew me the way Logan did. I stood silent until we reached my building, it was a simple place, comfy and not too extravagant.

"Dude I thought you would be living in a mansion by now" commented Logan making me smile "Where are the five houses and the _Sebastian_?"

"Nah too much fancy…I rather have a comfy homey place" I said as we entered the place and got in the elevator.

"James Diamond doesn't like fancy…ok that was something I thought I could never hear" I laughed at this.

"Six years and being poor can change a person Logie" I opened the door to my apartment and we got inside, I took a deep breath, it was damn good to be home.

"Why give up all the money?" we sat on my couch "What did you do after you left?"

"I didn't give away _all_ the money, I left some for me and I traveled…I went to Mexico, Costa Rica and Argentina, then I came back to New York and that was when I found out I had no more than 200 dollars left…and got my first tattoo" I showed him my forearm "That was for the first year and a half, then…well I slept like two nights on a park bench not having any idea what to do next…"

"Why didn't you call me? I would have helped you and you know it" he started to sound angry.

"I don't know…I…I could not face you or Carlos, I was too ashamed of myself, my life…I was too scared to do anything involving my past" I rested my elbows on my knees not looking at him "The second night was when Clara found me…she was carrying some groceries and the bags fell, I helped her gather the stuff…it took all my will force not to steal the food from her" I chuckled finally watching Logan´s face, he had his brows together looking almost in pain.

"I can´t believe you went through that"

"Yeah well…Clara noticed and invited me to eat at her husband´s café…I don´t know how I ended up working there, I rented a small room at the outsides of the city and that was my life for the next four years…then one time a producer came and heard us play"

"Yeah all your hard rocker songs…I didn't know you even liked them"

"Neither did I, until Hector made me listen to them so I could sing them…he´s a great guy and the closest thing I have to family in here"

"Why did you make a video like that James? A part of me knows you wouldn't have done it just because you wanted to ruin Kendall´s rep" I stood up and looked at me angrily "I understand yeah, but there are some things that just piss me off…dude why didn't you ever told me that you were gay? Why hide your feelings for Kendall? Or the shitty relationship you had with your mom…I thought we were closer than that" I fixed my eyes on the floor, of course I was expecting that.

"Weren´t you supposed to be a genius and notice things?"

"Oh I did notice" at this my eyes shot up, he was wearing a smug expression "I know you James, I heard more than once your fights with your mom, I saw the _Kendall_ doodles in your notebooks and I noticed how you looked at him…I just waited for you to tell me, to trust me…before I knew it you were gone"

"You guys were always talking about girls, I thought that it would be awkward and weird to know I was gay" he sat next to me "How could I tell you about my mom when yours is awesome? I just…to know your mom doest love you it´s kind of embarrassing, if the person that is supposed to love you more than anyone doesn't care about you it´s hard to expect any kind of feelings from everybody else" he sighed and gave me a one arm hug.

"Moron, I´ve known you sense we were in diapers…I am your brother, remember that" I smiled, yeah I remembered it.

_Summer before elementary school._

_We were at Logan´s house and I was mad because he had ditched me for Carlos last recess, why couldn't he wait for me to get my hair perfect? He had left me in the bathroom alone with my lucky comb to go and play with that other boy._

"_James, come on! Don't be such a baby!" he rolled his eyes at my pout "It was boring! I wanted to play Cops!"_

"_We are best friends!" I kicked the floor, he could not be doing this to me._

"_No we are not" I opened my eyes wide trying not to cry at his words "You are my brother! Way more than a best friend!" I blinked not getting him, Carlos always fought with his brothers, I didn't want to fight with Logan._

"_B-but"_

"_Look, a brother is someone that has been with you your whole life, someone that cares about you so much that not even how many time you do wrong, he would always be there…we are like that, besides my mom told me she can´t have any more kids nor does your mom, so I think we are brothers from another mother!"_

"Was I that obvious with Kendall?"

"At first, maybe you didn't notice…according to you, when was the first time you thought about him differently?" _According_ to me? What did that meant?

"After the audition…"

"Then I was right" he smiled crossing his hands behind his head relaxing against the couch "You´re both idiots"

"Why?" I asked slowly a little taken back.

"You loved each other sense well _forever_ but he was too scared of you to tell you anything and you were…too _you_ to notice!" he yawned getting up "Where am I going to sleep? I´m tired"

"W-what? No Wait! Y-you can´t just tell me that and got to sleep!" I looked at him with my eyes wide "Are you telling me that Kendall had a crush on me? Sense when?"

"I thought _forever_ answer that" I was speechless…no way, he could not be telling me that…I mean yeah I had figured that he was _attracted_ to me, and who knows what was crossing his mind that first time, the second time I knew he could have feelings for me but speaking of _forever_…that was too much to handle right now "Like I said, idiots! Even Carlos noticed once" he chuckled.

"How? When?" I frowned.

"Remember that slumber party back in eight grade? Where Carlos broke his record in Megaman Soccer?" I nodded, I did remember the day but it wasn't all too clear "Dude you spent the whole night ignoring us!"

"No we didn't"

"Yes, at first you were all gloomy cuz like always you had a fight with your mom and then you started talking to him and it was like all of us disappeared" I bit my lip trying to remember…yeah I had told him about my mom, we had talked about hockey and for the first time I had left my sleeping bag next to his…I fisted my hand when a sudden memory hit me, he had practically taken my hand thinking that I was asleep…and remembered that, and it was because of it that I had really started to ask myself if I liked boys or girls…now I felt a lot worst, thanks Logie.

"Did you have to tell me that now?" I growled standing up "Now that he´s about to marry some bitch! Logan, you´re not helping!" I walked to my room "The couch is also a bed, make yourself at home" I said before getting inside and closing the door.

I spent the night tossing and turning on my bed…I had no idea what to think, nor I cared of when my feelings for Kendall started being like that, I just cared that even if I realized that he might had a crush on me sense we were kids, it was already too late. He had to take care of his baby, I would not interfere anymore. The morning came and I got out gladly, I hated being inside my room when I couldn't sleep. I found Logan sitting in the kitchen watching TV and eating some cereal. I served myself a bowl and sat next to him, I was about to speak when the music of a guitar came from the TV show, I looked at it and frowned when I saw Kendall playing his guitar, I was about to grab the remote and turn it off when Logan stopped my hand.

"Listen" I looked at him mad, he wanted to torture me, fine, I would listen his song.

Cause I need you, right here, by my side.  
>Cause you're everything I'm not, in my life.<br>We're indestructible, we are untouchable,  
>Nothing can take us down tonight.<br>You are so beautiful, it should be criminal  
>You should be mine.<p>

"He wrote it for you" whispered my friend, I slowly moved my gaze to the TV feeling my heart beat faster than any other moment.

And if we make it out alive  
>I promise you that we will never die!<p>

No matter what, i got your back  
>I'll take a bullet for you if it comes to that<br>I swear to god, we'll be okay

The camera made a close up on his face and his emerald eyes looked straight at it piercing me, they were somehow hopeful, like he really was singing for me.

So believe me when I say, you're the one  
>They'll never forgive us for the things we've done<br>No way to justify, we got no alibi,  
>We are alive, we're on the run.<br>Just put your hand in mine,  
>It shouldn't be a crime, what have we done?<p>

And if we make it through the night  
>I promise you this love will never die!<p>

No matter what, I got your back  
>I'll take a bullet for you if it comes to that<br>I swear to god, we'll be okay  
>But if we die, before we wake<br>I'll promise you forever and my soul today  
>No matter what, we'll be okay<p>

I fisted my hands, how could he sing that to me when he had a family? I just could not stop myself from hoping that his words meant something, that things would really be ok, but how could they?

Everybody said that we would never last,  
>If they could see us now I bet they'd take it back<br>It doesn't matter what we do or what we say  
>Cause nothing matters anyway!<p>

I rested my head on my hands closing my eyes, letting his words sink in, I had wanted him to burn just some hours ago and now, he and his god damn guitar were taking away all my walls, why was it so easy to forget all that had happened and hope? I was supposed to be the badass here! The one with no fear! The one that hated him!

No matter what, I got your back  
>I'll take a bullet for you if it comes to that<br>I swear to god, we'll be okay  
>And if we die before we wake,<br>I'll promise you forever and my soul today,  
>No matter what, we'll be okay!<p>

He finished the song, but I didn't dare to open my eyes and see the screen "He told me he wanted to make things right" spoke Logan at my side.

"How could he? I won´t take him away from his family…"

"We both know Jo is not his family and he would never turn his back on the baby even if he´s with you James…he is not getting married"

"What? But the papers…" I looked at him, he just smiled and pointed at the screen, there he was with his girlfriend…ok I was confused.

"_That is a beautiful song Kendall_" exclaimed the host "_It says here that you wrote it some days ago, is it for someone important?_" she wiggled her eyebrow at the blond bitch and I wanted to puke.

"_It´s for the person I love the most, the only person that I think every minute of the day, the most important person in my entire world_" he said in a soft tone.

"_Aw, that is so sweet Kenny!_" squeaked Jo "_Our baby loved it!_"

"_Speaking of your baby, how long have you been pregnant?_" Continued the host, I didn't need this…but of course Logan had the remote hostage, damn him.

"_One month_" answered Kendall before Jo started laughing.

"_Again! You silly! I already told you, he´s six weeks old_" I could swear Kendall´s lips twitched in the intent of forming a smile before he frowned…the fakest frown I had ever seen on him.

"_But we weren't together six weeks ago_" _Huh?_ "_Remember, you spent a month shooting with your dear friend Jett in Austin, I didn't saw you until a _month_ ago"_ at this everybody went silent, and the camera focused on the blond woman, she had a scared look.

"_N-no, no you are wrong you…_" she shut up when Kendall started shaking his head "_B-but it´s yours!_"

"_I´m leaving, good bye bit…_" they beeped his last word as he waved good bye to the host and got out of there with a huge smile on his lips, then the TV was off and I had Logan in front of me grinning.

"You said that you wouldn't do anything because of the baby, there is no baby no…what are you going to do now James?"

**Hahaha how did you liked that? Ahh I feel soo good for making Jo such an idiot XD (in case you didn't notice I don't like her very much) Nooow! Please people review and tell me what you think!**

**Thank you all for your awesome comments! You are the best!**

**Take care!**

**P.D. Songs used "No matter what (acoustic-demo)" and "Burn" from Papa roach. xD**


	9. Authors Note

Hi! Just a quick note! Im grounded! >< so i wont be uploading on the next 3 weeks (i cant get near a computer T.T) but no worries I'll be back with the ending and a new story! Love ya and take care! 


	10. Chapter 10

CHAPTER 9

James PoV

I sighed hating my guts, my kind and good heart and the fact that I couldn't say no to helping somebody.

My lucky white v-neck was covered in vomit, my hair had baby food in it, I smelled like poop and I hadn't slept properly in the last two nights –three if you counted tonight-; now I was on my TV room´s floor, with my legs crossed, on top of them a pillow and on the pillow…a giggling baby. I raised my eyebrow at the little monster, thanks to him I was in there instead of a plane to LA looking for the owner of those emerald eyes that crept in my every thought. I sighed again remembering how I got in this mess.

_Logan and I were planning how to go to LA and talk to Kendall…I was a nervous to say the least, I mean it wasn't easy to go and spill your heart out to someone that had broken it so many times, but I had to do it._

"_And then there´s Carlos" murmured my friend, I raised my eyebrows at him "You´re not on his best terms sense he saw the video, he thinks it was a low punch"_

"_Well it was…and not my idea, but I kind of agreed to it so I guess it´s as much my fault" I passed a hand through my face "What did you do when you watched it?"_

"_We were together, the four of us –Katie was there too- and they started showing it and I lost it" he chuckled "I punched Kendall" I frowned at this, Logan was so not a violent person, for him to hit someone –specially one of his best friends- was beyond weird._

"_Wow…that…" I was interrupted by a knock in the door, I sighed walking there only to be greeted by a very desperate looking Faith –David´s wife-, she was holding a stroller and a big bag._

"_James, please I need your help" she practically squeaked, concerned I let her in._

"_What is it?" I saw the trails of tears on her cheeks "Are you ok? Where´s David?"_

"_He´s waiting at the car, we had to come back because my mother´s at the hospital…please James, could you take care of Owen for today? Maybe the night too? I know it´s too much to ask but we don't have any siblings and you´re like family…and the other guys are still back in Dallas…and…"_

"_I´ll do it, relax" I said putting my hands on her shoulders "It´s ok, don't worry" she sighed letting her head fall in my chest._

"_Thank you" she whispered, I gave her a small hug before pushing her though the door._

"_Go, be with your mom, we´ll be fine"_

"_Ok, his teeth are growing so he might be a little grumpy, the meds and instructions are on his bag…thank you James" and she was out. I turned to the stroller and smiled, Owen was asleep, taking care of him wasn't that hard, and if I waited six years to get Kendall, a couple of more days wouldn't hurt._

Of course Logan had stick around the first day and honestly it hadn't been that bad, the baby had been asleep most of the time but then the night came in…and baby Owen morphed into the little screaming monster. Of course that _day and maybe the night_ had turned into three days and three nights, my dear best friend had gone to his girlfriend and now I was stuck with a baby that wouldn't sleep, that cried for hours and that made a mess out of myself.

"Seriously you are making me think of never taking care of children again in my life" I spoke to him, he giggled making me smile and roll my eyes, it was fun whining to him because if I did in the correct voice he would be calm and I could get out all my frustrations "First of all I´m here taking care of you instead of having awesome make out sex with Kendall; second, little dude you just ruined my lucky v-neck, my favorite shirt in the world because you didn't like your food…couldn't you just turn your head and do it somewhere else? Look even if I tried to clean it, the stain won´t go away, and nope I´m not changing shirts so you can ruin another one" I passed my hand though my hair…three sleepless nights, I could live with that but taking care of him was exhausting, I could really use a nice nap at that moment…except that Owen was more than awake and I had to give him his medicine in about an hour "What are you laughing about?" I grinned when he began playing with my fingers "Huh?" I started tickling his stomach getting a nice chuckle from him… cute little monster "Now tell me, which one is better, the red teletubie or the blue one? I think the blue one, it´s taller and has a deeper voice…manlier, right?" ok now I was delusional, but I had to keep talking in order to keep myself awake "Have you heard Kendall sing? I don't think so, your dad probably has you under some Ozzy Osborn regiment…well I have all Kendall´s songs, but I love No Matter What…he wrote that for me you know, I will put if for you when I want you to fall asleep, right now you have forty five more minutes of fun cause if I let you sleep now you´ll just wake up in a couple of hours crying like someone was killing you or something…dude you have some lungs" I ducked my head to rest my forehead on his smiling as the baby started touching my face completely interested…and yeah he was letting a wet trail of saliva on me but I didn't care…what was another body fluid on me after all? I was about to speak a little more when I heard a knock on the door, I frowned not having any idea of who could it be, I pulled Owen to my chest and walked to the door.

"Who is it?" I asked hating that I didn't have a peek hole in the door…mental note, get one.

"It´s me…Kendall" I froze…he was at my doorstep…oh shit. I moved fast to open the door.

Kendall PoV

He opened the door looking shocked of seeing me there…well I was a little surprised too, this wasn't even planed, just out of nowhere I had get myself tired of waiting and I had packed my clothes, found a flight and get Logan to tell me James´ address. Now what I didn't expect to see in my life was James in this state…I could not bite back a smile, he was a mess and he had a baby on his chest…ok that was so not the James I knew.

"Now you come…NOW of all moments!" he said stepping back leaving the door open, I guessed that I could go in, I did and shut the door after me.

"Want me to come back when you´re not covered in…? What is that on your shirt?" I frowned…it couldn't be…

"Baby puke" he furrowed his nose looking at the baby "Owen here graciously showed me that he doesn't like apples"

"And you don't care that he ruined your favorite v-neck?" that was incredible.

"I´m more amazed that you can know that this is my lucky v-neck" he smiled at me and my heart gave a leap, he hadn't smiled like that to me in ages. He walked to the next room where a huge TV rested showing some little kids cartoons and plopped himself on the carpeted floor putting the baby on its chair "Come on, we don't bite" he murmured not looking at me, Logan hadn't told me anything about how would James react if I came to visit, but this was something I had never expected. I saw him yawn, then he passed a hand through his hair "I´m sorry" he whispered making things a lot weirder, he wasn't the one supposed to apologize.

"Why are you sorry? I was the one that did that to you six years ago, the one with a girlfriend that screwed things up both of the times…I´m…" he sighed exaggeratedly loud before he got up grabbed me by the collar of my shirt and kissed me slowly, I responded immediately keeping his body close to mine moaning when he bit my lower lip and just when things started getting interesting, the baby started crying.

"We need to wait to get him his medicine in thirty minutes and get him to sleep, then we´ll talk" he said resting his forehead on mine looking really tired and frustrated.

"Ok" he grinned going back to the floor and lying next to the baby chair speaking softly calming him. I smiled sitting leaving the baby between us, I saw James move to get more comfortable keeping his eyes on the TV…this was so weird, I could feel the tension but also a unexpected familiarity on the whole thing, I decided that if I had to wait for the baby to fall asleep I might as well be comfortable too, so I leaned back on the couch at my back and tried to found any interest on the cartoon…how could kids watch this crap? I zoomed out until I felt a tiny tug on my shirt, I looked at my side smiling at the baby, he was cute, big blue eyes and back hair, I caressed his cheek before I moved my eyes to James…who was asleep. I raised my eyebrow, really? My eyes went back to the baby.

"I guess I have to take care of you" I sighed, I was not fit to babysit, I knew that much, but James looked so tired and peaceful… I could not wake him. I looked at my watch, it was time for the baby´s medicine but where was it? Biting my lip I stood up and looked around until I spotted the stroller and the baby´s bag, I walked there keeping a watch in…Owen, yeah James had called him that; I opened the bag and started searching inside, I found a note with the instructions and the medicine, I went to sit in front of him and gave him the dose, then I picked him up and put him on my chest in the same way I had seen James do it and began humming lightly while I carefully palmed his back in an attempt to make him sleep…this was so not how I pictured this moment.

James PoV

I blinked when I felt someone move at my side, fuck I had fallen asleep. I sat a little too fast groaning when everything started turning.

"You ok?" I closed my eyes when I heard Kendall´s voice at my side…he was really there.

"Where´s Owen?" I looked around.

"Sleeping in your bed" he murmured showing me the baby radio-thingy.

"How long did I sleep?" I passed a hand through my face.

"About two hours"

"Sorry, that crazy baby kept me awake for the last three nights…now I have a lot more respect for moms" I move to look at him "Did Logan tell you to come here?"

"No, this time it was my idea…I am the one with the plans after all" he gave me sad attempt of a smug smile "Even if sometimes my plans make things worse"

"Remember that time we soaked the girls hockey team?" he nodded "If it wasn't for that plan we wouldn't be here now, my dream wouldn't have come truth, I guess that was a nice result"

"Are you trying to be nice to me?" he raised his eyebrow not losing his saddened expression.

"You wrote me a beautiful song, you called your girlfriend a bitch for me and you´re here…I guess is fair that I do it"

"You seem awfully ok with me being here…one could think that after all I did to you, you would be a lot less forgiven…did Logan put you up to this?"

"Yes and no" I shrugged "He came and told me I was an idiot for not noticing how you felt about me sooner…he´s right, now that I think about it you were painfully obvious" I chuckled.

"Yeah you were pretty clueless" I raised my eyebrow not happy about his comment "Hey being nice doesn't mean not cracking a joke every now and then" a smile threatened to appear on his lips, but he kept it hidden.

"I could say that it was your fault for being so perfect but…"

"Perfect? Perfect! James I´m not perfect! I´m the furthest thing from it!" he looked at me like I was delusional.

"Dude! You beat Logan in school! Once but you did it…you are awesome in hockey, you are the best son, friend and person someone could ask for…even now that you have _Hollywood_ all over you…you sing, I-I love your voice, it´s like unnatural how you could sing like that without any kind of training…you are hot, sexy and…" I was rambling I knew that but I could not stop myself, which it was somewhat embarrassing "I know I gave you hell about your eyebrows and in any other person they would look horrible but in you they fit, they frame your emerald eyes, they…" he shut me up with his lips, thank God. It was a chaste kiss, simple and cute but for me it felt like the greatest thing "I´m tired of trying to hate you" I whispered shrugging, he frowned "Yeah I was _trying_…I could never really hate you…I love you too much to do it" in my mind I had played this a lot different, I was supposed to ask for an explanation, to demand him to answer all of my questions and then I might tell him how I felt, but I could not hold things much longer, it was my fault that we had lost so much time…now he was looking at me like I was from another planet, didn't he expect this at all?

"You don't love me" he spoke in a steady voice "All your songs…the only thing they say is how much you hate me" I rolled my eyes before I got up and walked out to get my notebook, when I came back he was in the same spot looking thoughtful.

"Read this" I was a little uneasy about letting him read all that I had written in there but I was sure that if I didn't explain everything he made me feel, he would not believe my feelings…Logan was right, being _me_ I had shoved him away every time he tried to get close to me…God I was such an idiot for not noticing before… all the sheepish looks, the way he looked right at me when he earned something, he wasn't trying to show how awesome he was, he was trying to be awesome for me and I had thought that all he wanted was to praise his accomplishments…those three days had served me well to understand a lot of things, including the way I desperately loved him, I didn't care about anything else, I just wanted to be with him and do things right for the first time.

"When did you write this?" he whispered looking at one in particular, I grimaced when I read it was from one of those dark times when I started working with Hector, it was safe to say I was completely miserable when I wrote it.

"Around a year after I left, yeah not my best moment" I sighed resting my head on his shoulder, he tensed "Why did you really do it?"

"Because I´m an ass. A dude told me that if I would never get anything from you I might as well take it…it was just the kiss then…"

"Yeah huge kiss"

"Is that sarcasm?" he looked at me like I was crazy.

"Hey you almost gave me a heart attack and you settle for a three second kiss, not even tongue! Dude of course I had to teach you how you kiss somebody" I turned my body looking at him, it was so easy to talk to him now that I had made up my mind "I´m sorry, for throwing all the blame in you when I was there too…why did you leave me there? Why?" I tried not to yell but that was the question that I needed him to answer the most.

"You don't remember anything after, do you?" he rested his elbows on his knees.

"After as in…"

"Right after sex"

"No I…I don't, the only thing I remember is the morning after" I frowned not getting his question, he sighed before he moved to face me and cupped my face with his hand.

"You fell asleep and then you started crying"

"I don't cry" yeah way to _not_ sound like a little kid James.

"But you did…and I had no idea what to think of it, it could be because you regretted us…that you slept with me just because you were sad for your mom…how could you sleep with me when you could hardly stand me?"

"Did I do something that made you think I didn't want it as much as you? I don't know why I cried, probably because honestly you kind of made me feel like scum, like a whore" he made a pained expression.

"I wanted to make you feel like that" he lowered his hand to his lap, his eyes were clouded "I wanted to treat you like the whore you were for accepting me so easily just to get rid of your sorrow…thinking like that I dressed myself and went to pick up Jo, she was the girlfriend I should have, the girl that was supposed to make me forget you…every day for the next years I closed my mind to all the memories knowing that I had made a mistake…when I saw you again and you ran from me I couldn't stop anymore, I started hating the life I had created…"

"I did notice, poor paparazzis" he chuckled nodding.

"Then when I thought that it had been the last time I could ever see you, you pop on the TV practically telling me to fuck off with one song"

"I have a love-hate relationship with that video" I murmured "I hated to open myself to everyone like that…I don't like to throw dirt at people and the whole world finding out either…but at the same time I loved giving you hell, taking a little of all that you had taken from me" I kept my gaze on his not baking up from my words "And then the auction happened, and the club and the baby…and yeah we´ve been through some shit"

Kendall PoV

I looked at him, it was almost painful having him there looking at me with those big hazel eyes and not touch him.

"I need a shower" he said looking at his shirt in disgust then he took it off and I had to swallow at the sight of his sculpted sexy chest, sadly I turned my eyes away a little too late, he saw me practically drooling over him, he leaned closer to me and whispered to my ear "Wanna join me?" my breaths hitched before I took his neck making his lips crash into mine, I took him hungrily, our tongues battling for dominance as his hands found their way to my sides making me lay down, he moved to nibble my neck, sucking on my pulse point making me gasp.

"James" I moaned when he started palming me, what was it about him that made me lose it like this? I swallowed trying to compose myself before I pushed him to his back changing out positions, this time I took charge of the kiss occupying my hands on his nipples, he moaned digging his hands on my hair pulling it slightly. I began to kiss his chest giving enough tongue attention to his pink lumps.

"Kendall" he gasped and like every sound he made the chills went straight to my cock. I loved having him there just waiting for me to do something, to touch him; last time he hadn't even let me near him, but I was not having that now. I continued kissing lower, getting my tongue on his belly bottom smiling at the breathless chuckle he gave me, I might use that tickling spot later.

I let my lips kiss the skin right above the hem of his pants, sucking and biting until I left a nice mark, he moaned bucking his hips rubbing his clothed erection on my chest.

"Do you want something James?" I let my face fall on his crotch and gave him small bites.

"Oh God" he grasped the carpet sending his head back.

"What do you want James?" I opened his pants and took them away before I decided to tease him, I moved my head to rest in my hand and my other hand to trace small patterns on his clothed erection.

"Kendall…" I raised my eyebrow at him, he was looking right inside my eyes, his hazel ones dark and needing "Suck me" well I could not make him ask twice. I lowered his boxers freeing his dick, I had to lick my lips at the sight of it, it looked painfully aroused and the tip was licking precum. I took it between my hands and not losing the eye contact I passed my tongue through his vein, then his tip in a rolling motion; he was breathing hard with his eyes closed as I continued teasing his member, when I got tired of doing it I swallowed before I started to take him in my mouth.

"Shit" he hissed putting his hand on my head as I began pumping it. I hollowed my cheeks adding more pressure and he grasped my hair strongly, I moved my hand to caress his balls picking up the speed "I´m going to…Kendall!" I swallowed all his seed and moved away moving him with my hand to get all the cum before I looked at him, he was breathing evenly and had his eyes closed. I got up and crawled to be at his face level, cupping his face leaving small kisses on his jaw and lips. This little fluff was what we had missed the other times, and I was not letting it happen again.

"I love you" he said freezing my movements "I´m sorry for everything I did to you…I can´t believe that after I made your life a mess you´re still here…I love you so much Kendall" he pulled me to look right into his eyes before claiming my lips in a sweet kiss, I ended it letting my head in his neck and hugging him…it was safe to say I was speechless, I had waited a lifetime to hear him say those words to me "I´m ok if you can´t speak" he said amused "Just don't cry" I chuckled pocking his side, that was not nice.

"I love you too, that´s the only thing you need to know" I moved to kiss him again feeling his hands undressing me, yeah I also had a little problem that needed to be solved "This is so sexy" I said letting my fingers follow the trail of the snake in his arm.

"I know" I rolled my eyes, yeah some things in life didn't change, like James Diamond´s love for himself. I pushed me to my back and I knew I was not going to top this time, or the near future…it was strange how little I minded that.

"Ready?" he asked giving me stroke, I moaned nodding when his other hand caressed my hole before one of his fingers slid in.

James PoV

I got in as soon as he was ready, I moved slowly thinking we had all the time of the world, I kissed him letting my tongue memorize every bit of his mouth.

"Faster" he breathed hugging my hips with his legs. I continued that same phase knowing I was driving him crazy "James I fucking blew you, now fuck me good!" he hissed making me look at him.

"So eager" I hugged him changing our positions "If you want it so bad, ride me" I whispered at his ear, he didn't need me to tell him twice, he began moving fucking himself with my dick hard. I rested my hands on his hips pushing mine up to meet his thrusts. He practically yelled when I hit that bundle of nerves and I tried to hit there in every move. His moans and gasped became louder in every move signaling me that he was about to hit top.

"James!" he shouted filling both of our chests with his cum, his orgasm triggered mine and I kept rocking into him until he collapsed on top of me panting. We didn't move for God knows how long, just enjoying each other in a way we could not do before. I kissed his temple when I started feeling a little too gross.

"I was serious about that shower" I said he groaned moving to rest at my side before he sat and grabbed his pants, not without wincing a little "What are you doing?" I asked him when he took a look at his phone.

"Smile" I was temporally blinded by the phone´s flash.

"Hey!" I blinked fast looking at him typing on the phone fast, I frowned sitting next to him finding out that he was twitting a picture of me…the same he had just taken "Dude you can´t put that on the internet! That's porn!"

"Relax, it´s only your face" he showed it to me, I was just looking at him, my eyes showing all the adoration of the world…ok it wasn't an awful picture "Read" he gave me the phone and I smiled reading his words; we still had tons of shit to deal with, but truly we were finally on the right track to be happy and get over those six painful years.

**KKnight. **Kendall Knight

**The owner of my heart, body and soul…oh and btw I´m Gay.**

53 seconds ago.

THE END.

**Ooookay I´m undercover here! (don't tell my mother!) I just had to end this…tell me people, did you hated it? Loved it? What about the whole story? Review xD**

**Lots and lots of love and thanks to all of you! See ya in three weeks!**

**Kend**


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